Click to Print

Love & Sex 2013

The comprehensive guide to getting romantic and tantric in Santa Fe

February 5, 2013, 12:00 am

Someone should write a Nancy Drew book about our office. Actually, given the theme of this week’s issue, let’s go with the Hardy Boys.

The point is, there’s a thief on the loose.

“I hate to send this but it seems we have a food thief amongst us,” Sabah wrote just after lunch one afternoon in January. “Anna’s cottage cheese was stolen. My half burrito from Tia Sophia’s was stolen.  Not to mention my full bottle of Sirachi (excuse the fact that I don’t know how to spell it).”

“For the record,” Joey replied, reporterishly, “the Sriracha bottle by my desk is mine cause the last one in the fridge mysteriously disappeared.” He continued (suggestively?), “but y’all can have some if you want.”

Opting instead for the milder flavor of Robert’s lasagna, we declined. But the thievery continued: Old pizza went missing, along with a bag of Ohori’s coffee (seriously, who would steal coffee from a newspaper?!).

“OK, this is getting pretty weird,” wrote Enrique a few days later. “Someone stole my athletes foot spray. This isn’t right! It was a brand-new Lotrimin ‘powder finish’ can.”

Leaving the subject of Enrique’s foot fungus alone, we watched and waited. Friends turned on friends. Accusations flew.

But then came the coup de grâce: Our copy of the Kama Sutra vanished into thin air.

That’s right—the glossy, hard-bound (would you have it any other way?) encyclopedia of sexual adventure disappeared from right under our noses. Worse, it was supposed to be our inspiration for this year’s Love & Sex issue. At first, we panicked. But then we innovated.

Instead of sticking to the tried-and-true kisses and congresses of that Indian classic, we envisioned our own creations, offering new and exciting insights that extend beyond the Sutra’s timeless wisdom. As a result, we hope you’ll be emboldened and inspired to try new sexcapades, including Santa Fe’s annual Herd of Cows Congress. And if you’re the lowlife who stole our book, our cottage cheese, our pizza, our half-burrito and our Lotrimin—well, we hope you’re having one crazy, cheesy, fungus-free orgy.


Love&Sex-Intro Human-Lasagna Sending-in-the-probe Crooning-of-the-Cuckoo Spanking-the-Monkey Congress-of-the-glory-hole Congress-of-a-herd-of-cows Twining-of-a-creeper Outtakes


02.06.2013 at 11:29 | Reply |

Nice job, SFR! I admire the way your "Love & Sex" issue bored me into submission. I almost got through more than two articles before deciding the whole cover issue was a waste of ink.


02.06.2013 at 12:01

Haters gonna hate...


02.07.2013 at 09:34 | Reply |

Plenty of sex, but I didn't see any love.  Maybe you should rename the Love & Sex Issue to The Barbie Porn Issue.


02.07.2013 at 07:43

sex? plastic dolls? surely you jest. I must not be an "artist" because I just do not get this. 



02.07.2013 at 06:26 | Reply |

Did the Culture Editor really play a round of dick-suck whack-a-mole at the Arcade? Stay classy SFR.


02.08.2013 at 10:56

Sure will! Thanks for your comment.


02.08.2013 at 06:31

Plenty of sex in the reading, no love that I could find.  Pictures of Barbie Porn.


02.08.2013 at 06:34

Replied to the wrong comment, sorry.


02.07.2013 at 09:48 | Reply |

Well, that's the worst issue yet, especially considering it's a free paper for all ages.  How old are you all? Shame, you used to be a great paper, now most "articles" are an example of limited vocab and how you're all trying so hard to be cool. 


02.11.2013 at 03:08

right on reader

this we don't need in S Fe


02.09.2013 at 07:23 | Reply |

I am so disappointed with the lack of respect you show for our children. This paper is in family restaurants, grocery stores in plane view for kids to see. Using Barbies (did you know these are childrens toys) in provacative ways, disrespectful to children. Its illegal to expose children to porn and yet this is acceptable.


02.11.2013 at 03:12

thanx Tina

it's been a first, but this issue i was not having around me.  too bad for the advertisers, but I, for one, did not get to go to any venues this week!!!

think about it, it works both ways!  If u want a clean paper, don't put no adds in the SFR no more until some respect is shown to this community.