Due to the ever-changing nature of the movie biz, showtimes as they appear in ANY and ALL newspapers should always be double-checked with the theaters before setting off for a night at the flicks.
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Opens Wednesday
CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2
No, no, no: It doesn't mean they have 24 kids now. It means that the Bakers (Bonnie Hunt and Steve Martin, reprising their 2003 roles) and their near-score of progeny head for Lake Winnetka for a summer cabin and some quality family time, but who should they encounter but Dad's archenemy Jimmy Murtaugh (Eugene Levy), his new trophy wife (Carmen Electra), and their eight offspring, staying across the lake from them. As odd as it might seem to take in a Labor Day flick on the darkest nights of the year, scuttlebutt has it this installment's actually an improvement over the last one (no comment as to the difficulty of such an achievement), so slap on some sunscreen and bugspray and enjoy.
DreamCatcher, UA South, PG, 100 min.
CHRISTMAS IN THE CLOUDS
It's not exactly the first Native American romantic comedy (we'll always have
Dance Me Outside
), but it may be the one with the most crossover appeal, and it's arguably the funniest-because as anyone who's spent 15 minutes hanging out at IAIA can tell you, one of the great gifts of Native culture is a dark, slyly intelligent and screamingly funny sense of humor. So skip the super-silly Anglo holiday-romance fare and join writer-director Kate Montgomery's cast at an Indian-owned ski resort which looks suspiciously like Sundance (since that's where it was filmed). M Emmet Walsh plays the rumpled alcoholic Anglo hotel reviewer, Tim Vahle is stressed-out manager Ray Clouds on Fire, Mariana Tosca is gorgeous Tina Little Hawk (whom everyone thinks is the hotel critic) and standbys Rita Coolidge, Lois Red Elk, Wes Studi (as a bingo caller), Shirley Cheechoo and Heather Rae add to the droll ensemble-though Graham Greene steals the show as usual, playing Earl, the hotel chef who's recently become…an evangelical vegetarian.
CCA, PG, 96 min.
FUN WITH DICK AND JANE
Alack, alack, and well-a-day! It's not that we haven't been yearning for a long time for Teá Leoni (who's also Mrs. David Duchovny, of course) to work more. It's just that this wasn't exactly what we had in mind…we were thinking Ralph Fiennes, not Jim Carrey in face-contorting, I'm-so-gosh-darn-
funny
mode. But as ever, Hollywood has failed to consult us on matters of good taste in casting, so here she is opposite him in this remake of the 1977 George Segal/Jane Fonda caper about a married couple who must turn to a life of crime to pay the utilities bill, because they apparently have no credit rating.
DreamCatcher, UA North, PG-13, 90 min.
Opens Friday
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
We feel about this pretty much the way we felt about
The Last Samurai
(not Helen DeWitt's profligate first novel, but the cinematic cheap shot starring Ken Watanabe-and, oh yeah, Tom Cruise): It'll be pretty, it has two of our favorite actresses in it (
Raise the Red Lantern
's Gong Li and Michelle Yeoh, who has the kind of sexy, elegant dignity not seen on screen since Ingrid Bergman-plus feisty Zhang Ziyi, always good for a firecracker or two) and, hey, it also stars Ken Watanabe. But frankly, if you really want to know how the
geisha
trained and lived, and how their art fared with the advent of the 20th century and the decline of the floating world, check out the films of Mikio Naruse, still playing at The Screen.
UA DeVargas, PG-13, 145 min.
MUNICH
Most of our readers will remember the fate of 11 Israeli athletes at the '72 Olympic Games in Munich, taken hostage and killed by members of a group called Black September who demanded the release of more than 200 Palestinian prisoners-and how sketchy it was that Germany refused to let Israeli bring in its own counter-terror special forces. An ounce of prevention might have been worth nearly three hours of retribution in this case; Spielberg's heavy-handed version of the events, as Golda Meir personally authorizes Israeli agents (played by Eric Bana, Daniel Craig, Ciarán Hinds, Mathieu Kassovitz and Geoffrey Rush) to take down the Palestinians directly responsible, will be inevitably clotted with his usual wavering between syrupy identity politics and a kind of gratuitous cold-bloodedness that presumably is meant to pass for historical vigilance (
Amistad
vs.
Minority Report
, e.g.). It probably won't help that playwright Tony Kushner (
Angels in America
) was the last to handle the script; but sometimes still Spielberg can conjure up that old movie magic, so we shall see.
UA DeVargas, R, 164 min.
THE PASSENGER
Released in 1975 as
Professione: reporter
, this reissue of Antonioni's unblinking, Camus-inflected meditation on…well, we aren't exactly sure what, and neither probably were its stars, Jack Nicholson (who's for once not chewing the scenery-think
Chinatown
rather than
The Shining)
and
Last Tango in Paris
' Maria Schneider; but it has more to do with existentialist concerns than its elegantly written political script-more Bowles or Hemingway than, say,
Blowup
or
Zabriskie Point
. If you care about the underexploited range and potential of the camera, you'll be drinking in every uncut shot.
CCA, PG-13, 119 min.
THE RINGER
You thought the most tasteless film of 2005 would surely feature he-whore Rob Schneider in a baby diaper, didn't you? But you were wrong, because here's a movie starring Johnny Knoxville (
The Dukes of Hazzard
) as Steve, who enters the Special Olympics to win a bet and pay off a debt. The gag, see, is supposed to be that he's not Special
in that way
, so winning should be
un fait accompli
for him; but it won't be, because if they'd wanted to depict someone smart they'd've cast David Hyde Pierce. Instead, expect our hero to learn Lessons in Love from sweetly beaming "mentally challenged" athletes (who can probably outperform the producers of this movie without much effort at stochastic differential equations, object-oriented programming and chess endgames).
UA North, PG-13, 94 min.
Opens Sunday
THE PRODUCERS
Frankly, we'd go see this even if it were a stinker, because even after Mel Brooks' original satire has seemed irretrievably lost beneath the bajillions of dollars which have traded hands, our affection for Bialystock and Bloom (here played by Broadway stars Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick) has only increased with time. Plus, there are two inspired bits of casting: Uma Thurman as dancing marvel Ulla; and Will Ferrell as deranged pigeon-loving Nazi playwright Franz Leibkind. An entirely new generation of people will now find themselves standing over the photocopier and realizing in horror they're humming "Springtime for Hitler."
UA DeVargas, PG-13, 134 min.
RUMOR HAS IT
Rob Reiner directing: Good sign. No press previews: Bad sign. Kevin Costner: Pretty good lately, which is really something when you consider the genuine turkeys he co-created when younger; as he ages, he seems more comfortable, as though having given up has done wonders for his acting-he's more like Crash Davis and less like, well, Robin Hood with a 5-year-old's version of a British accent. Jennifer Aniston: Bad, considering what we had to endure from her in
Derailed
. Richard Jenkins: Good, as any
Six Feet Under
fan can tell you. Shirley MacLaine: Total wild card. The trailer's cute, but will it have 96 minutes worth of cute?
DreamCatcher, UA South, PG-13, 96 min.
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Short Runs
29TH AND GAY
Fabulous Thursday gets realistic with the story of unemployed actor James Sanchez, who "doesn't have a six-pack, a full head of hair or a boyfriend." As he approaches 30, his bank account does too (but from the wrong direction), while his job as tour guide at a movie studio theme park isn't the role he'd hoped for. At this point you'd think the only thing left for him would be to become a movie reviewer…. Written by James Vasquez, who also stars as the ordinary guy wondering if there's more to life than dressing as a giant rabbit.
Santa Fe Film Center, NR, 87 min.
THE ARISTOCRATS
You wouldn't think the prospect of listening to 100 comedians telling the same joke over and over would be something to which you'd voluntarily subject yourself. But in the case of
The Aristocrats,
when the gag is so spectacularly obscene that it can't be told except secretly, to other comics-and when the funny guys in question include everyone from Hank Azaria to Robin Williams, with the likes of George Carlin, Phyllis Diller and the Smothers Brothers in between (to say nothing of Bob Saget, whose particularly lurid version of the joke is easily the most shocking)-hey, count us in.
CCA, NR, 89 min.
EDGAR CAYCE: A BEAUTIFUL DREAMER
One of the hits at December's film festival, this engrossing documentary reveals the life story underlying the legend of "the Sleeping Prophet," a clairvoyant who gave over 14,000 readings during his lifetime-and allegedly healed thousands of incurable illnesses, making him perhaps the first medical intuitive on record.
Santa Fe Film Center, NR, 62 min.
NEW MEXICO SHORTS SAMPLER II
Playing to sold-out crowds at the festival, the sampler offers 100 minutes of what's on its way to becoming New Mexico's favorite genre, the short feature. Patrick Mehaffy's
Cowboys and Indians
, Aaron Hendrin's
Fetish
, Ursula Coyote and Clara Soister's
Karaoke A-Go-Go
and much more (including a four-minute surprise from local filmmaker and humorist Jim Terr).
Santa Fe Film Center, NR, 100 min.
PROTOCOLS OF ZION
During a post-9.11 taxi ride, filmmaker Marc Levin (HBO's
American Undercover
series), raised a secular Jew, was startled to hear his cabdriver repeat the urban legend that 4,000 Jews had stayed home from their jobs in the WTCs the morning of the attack-and ever more horrified to be reassured by his driver that this was all part of the Jewish conspiracy as outlined in
The Protocols of the Elders of Zion
, a hundred-year-old forgery (still available from such outlets as Amazon.com and Wal-Mart). Armed with camera, Levin set forth to find out why this strange document is experiencing a resurgence of popularity, and to combat the racist myths it propagates. The result is a fiery, funny, street-smart series of skirmishes between "Arab-Americans, Black nationalists, Christian evangelicals, Aryan skinheads, Kabbalist rabbis and Holocaust deniers and survivors" well-worth watching.
CCA, NR, 93 min.
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
See SFR's
.
The Screen, R, 88 min.
SUDDEN RAIN: THE FILMS OF MIKIO NARUSE
Nervy, damn-the-torpedoes maneuvers like this are why we can't help but love the Screen, who for the next seven Sundays will continue showing fearsomely prolific (but little-known outside Japan) director Naruse's work, this week featuring
Flowing
(1956). Most of Naruse's work isn't available on DVD or video, either, so take advantage of the newly added showtimes to see the Japanese master's elegant work, usefully compared to that of Chekhov.
The Screen, NR, 98 min.
TONY TAKITANI
We're so thrilled to see this spare little movie find an audience, because it's absolutely poignant and evocative with a minimum of on-screen fuss. Renowned stage actor Issei Ogaku plays the title character, a profoundly isolated man who experiences a brief reprieve from alienation when he marries a beautiful and affectionate younger woman, who has just a teensy-weensy shopping addiction. Director Jun Ichikawa also adapted the script from the New Yorker short story by Haruki Murakami; spare and minimalist as ikebana yet emotionally absorbing (thanks in part to Ryuichi Sakamoto's clear, Satiesque piano score).
The Screen, NR, 75 min.
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Now Showing
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
Leave it to an animated lion and the director of
Shrek
to stir up more pre-release press opportunities than The Passion of the Mel; amidst the folderol lies a film mostly worth watching if you can manage to ignore the blue and red states playing tug-of-war over its alleged religious content. Its highlight is without a doubt Tilda Swinton in the role she was destined to inhabit from birth: that of Jadis, the evil White Queen. Alas, that's about it in an otherwise run-of-the-mill big-budget Disney kiddie-trap (though Georgie Henley as Lucy is unsettlingly good, in Jodie Foster kind of way); Aslan's being voiced by Liam Neeson renders him cuddly rather than bloodcurdling, and somehow the battle scenes, while large and bustling, don't give you the sense of impossible odds and insanely high stakes they did in Peter Jackson's
LOTR
trilogy. A good dose of Ian McKellan or even Viggo Mortensen would have gone a long way-the actors here just aren't of the same caliber, and when you combine that with some frankly silly direction, this story of four war-era British schoolchildren who accidentally wander into a magical land at war seems, tragically, neither enchanting nor believable.
DreamCatcher, UA DeVargas, UA South, PG, 140 min.
THE FAMILY STONE
See SFR's
.
DreamCatcher, Jean Cocteau, UA South, PG-13, 102 min.
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
Director Mike Newell ratchets up the tension another notch as the scruffy young wizard (an adequate Daniel Radcliffe), Hermione and Ron must cope with the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Voldemort in the flesh (apt cast addition Ralph Fiennes) and, perhaps most formidably, finding dates for the Yule Ball. Newell deserves ringing encomia for managing to film Rowling's vasty tome at all; unfortunately he's had to shoehorn so much material into the thing that at times it feels elliptical, like looking at engraved illustrations. With naughty words, flirty looks and a fairly shocking death, his
Goblet of Fire
nonetheless charts the next steps on our heroes' path-and it'll only get grimmer from here on out.
DreamCatcher, UA DeVargas, UA North, PG-13, 157 min.
KING KONG
Contrary to popular belief, there is such a thing as "too much of a good thing." Case in point: director Peter Jackson's remake of the 1933 classic, clocking in at over three hours. The premise, in case some of you haven't been paying attention, has to do with a very large gorilla. Jack Black stars as Carl Denham, a filmmaker looking to salvage the ruins of his latest picture by making a trek to legendary Skull Island with Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts), a struggling young actress and Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody), an up-and-coming playwright-culminating with the capture of Kong (and leading, of course, to a rather unfortunate incident involving a skyscraper). Jackson has done little to improve the story. Instead, he's just padded the film out with more action sequences; the film never relents in its nearly nonstop thrill-ride approach to storytelling.
Kong
absolutely should be seen on the big screen; but if you arrive an hour late and leave 20 minutes early, you won't see a good movie, you'll see an excellent one.
DreamCatcher, UA DeVargas, UA North, PG-13, 187 min.
PRIDE & PREJUDICE
Keira Knightley stars as every bookish girl's heroine, Elizabeth Bennet, next-to-oldest in a poor family whose daughters must marry well in order to provide an income not only for themselves but also for their aging parents (Brenda Blethyn and, in one of the best performances of the year, Donald Sutherland). Opinionated Elizabeth takes an immediate dislike to dour but wealthy Mr. Darcy (Matthew MacFayden) who seems to embody the pride of the title-but is she too proud to accept his help in an hour of need, or to admit that she's fallen for him? If you can manage to turn off the part of your brain that winces at mediocre camera work, you'll be perfectly content; Knightley isn't brilliant but she's quite passable; and when she's onscreen with Sutherland or MacFayden you can't tear your eyes away. Overall, it's another Austen we can welcome happily into the fold.
UA DeVargas, PG, 127 min.
SYRIANA
In writer-director Stephen Gaghan's complex, multilayered political thriller, oil is the driving force behind an intricate web of deception, murder and corruption. Using an interwoven story structure similar to that of his Oscar-winning
Traffic
screenplay, Gaghan offers a conspiracy-minded view of the interconnected world of oil sales, strife in the Middle East and duplicitous business endeavors. With an eclectic but tight ensemble (featuring George Clooney as a burnt-out CIA operative, Matt Damon as an idealistic derivatives trader, brilliant work from Tim Blake Nelson, Will Hurt and Jeffrey Wright, and perhaps most remarkably a star-making performance from Alexander Siddig as a liberal, Western-thinking Saudi prince),
Syriana
is a bold-albeit left-leaning-work not afraid to spark discussion. Weaving an intricate tapestry of overlapping story and character arcs, Gaghan attempts to explain what is going on in the world today, as oil reserves quickly diminish and no one wants to be left in the dark, literally; the result is a smart thriller that rebukes the clichés and trappings normally associated with this genre.
UA DeVargas, R, 126 min.
WALK THE LINE
"I feel like I just saw
Ray
," complained a friend. Alas, this pretty succinctly sums up the problem with
Walk the Line
-the performances are outstanding but the writing and direction are about the caliber of a made-for-television movie; the result is an average-at-best music biopic that you feel you've already seen two dozen times. While the performances are outstanding (Joaquin Phoenix inhabits his character with unbalanced gravity and Reese Witherspoon turns in her most authoritative work to date as steely June Carter) and director James Mangold offers us some truly kickin' music (with spot-on work by actors playing Sam Phillips, Elvis Presley and Jerry Lee Lewis in particular), there's a curious flat inadequacy to the film as a whole, as though it needed to be either an hour shorter or seven longer.
UA South, PG-13, 136 min.
YOURS, MINE AND OURS
Note to Dennis Quaid: Why? Why, when everyone knows you can act (
The Right Stuff, Traffic, Far from Heaven
), do you persist in taking any old piece of dreck your agent throws at you? Are Meg's alimony payments really that hefty? For whatever occult reasons, you've chosen now to appear in this remake of what wasn't all that funny in 1968: 18 children (
Cheaper by the Dozen 1.5
?) attempting to destroy the budding relationship of their parents, a widower (Quaid) and widow (Rene Russo) who've fallen in love. Painfully awful,
Yours, Mine and Ours
shouldn't have to be anybody's.
UA South, PG, 88 min.
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NOTHING TRIVIAL ABOUT IT
This week's Reader-Devised Torture quiz will be a double whammy, to keep you going until the new year. First,
Rand B Lee
defies readers to "identify the absurdly anachronistic set dressing marring the Queen Elizabeth-throne-room scene in
Orlando
." (The Screener assumes Quentin Crisp doesn't count.) Then,
David Zeoli
dares you to identify the film in which the title character utters both the following lines: "Wherever you go, there you are," and "Character is what you are in the dark." Submit your answers to
; otherwise, our triumphantly evil querents will receive DVDs chosen from our eclectic collection here at the SFR.
