***image1***A column for anyone with questions about love.
Do you have a burning question about love? Write to TheTaoofLove@aol.com.
Dear Duncan,
This question is about a gay friend and his mother. As Buckminster Fuller once noted in a speech, the idea of "mother" may be our primary source of learning about love; it may, according to Bucky, be a contraction of the words, "my other." In short, all love may be a wonderful self-loving fantasy fulfilling thing. Shouldn't the relationship between a mother and child be a kind of basic love feeding frenzy? The kind of thing where both feed; the child is feeding off of the mother and the mother, through this small, potential, additional bid on immortality, is feeding off of the child. Shouldn't this idea provide a good basis and a reasonable definition of terms?
Damn, OK. I'll try to simplify it for the common/uncommon man/woman.
This friend's mother is bordering on rejecting him, due to his sexuality and his behavior, which she finds "offensive." In addition, this young man's father is generally a gentle and kind person. This father laughs easily with strangers and expresses great affection for his son. This father is very Christian and may find it easy to love his neighbor, especially if his neighbor remains on their side of the fence, but he also seems to reject the hell out of his son, barely tolerating him, believing the son is somehow soiled and is a disappointment and is destined for hell.
I can be a bit of mediator here because I like all parties and I am easier because I don't want to have sex with any of them. Well, on second thought, I wouldn't want to knock anything until I have given it a fair shake, but when I suggested one possible solution, "would it be possible for you, as the father, to attempt to alter your sexual orientation to serve as an example for your son," the father became quite offended and assured me this was not possible. The father seems to believe he is largely incapable of learning how to do new tricks, although at one time, his wife was certainly tricky, playful and by consensus purported to have been a beautiful young trophy thing, and further purported to have rivaled Princess Grace in raw and unspoiled beauty.
Should the father and mother accept the son as he is, and be happy with their granddaughters? Or should they attempt to change him under the guise of their greater knowledge and understanding of what is "good" for him? Even though this may not be sexually satisfying for anyone (and may deprive the son of any vestige of true happiness)? Then, if that were the case, wouldn't this be tantamount to cutting off the functions of an important part of his anatomy, which he holds very near and dear? Or is it possible that this is a reflection of the end of their own bid on immortality, the son's selfish love, harkening an end to their own reflection, and he should consider their case and attempt to learn to play with girls even if this leaves him feeling partially crippled and limpy?
First, the mother-son relationship can take many shapes, and I'm not sure the "feeding frenzy" shape is the healthiest.
Second, thanks for simplifying things for the common man.
Third, I'm confused-does the father "express great affection for his son," or does he "barely tolerate him?" You can see how this is a little confusing. As for your willingness to experiment with sex with your friend or his parents-while it demonstrates an open mind, it probably won't help the situation any. Likewise, I tend to agree that it's very unlikely the father will change his sexual orientation. Also, be glad that you've never seen naked pictures of your friend's parents (I know I am).
Finally, the parents should definitely try to change their son -even if it's sexually unfulfilling for everyone, even if it deprives him of true happiness. He should be forced to like girls, forsaking any self-discovery and personal, human growth.
Oh wait, that's not the right answer. Parents should love their children unconditionally. But you already knew that, didn't you?
