***image1***A column for anyone with questions about love.
Do you have a burning question about love? Write to TheTaoofLove@aol.com.
"Dear Duncan,
My wife and I enjoy a very healthy 23-year sex life. We are completely loyal and have never been unfaithful. We have enjoyed about everything that a couple can do sex-wise and have a great time. Having said all of that, we have been buying sex toys for both of us (its like Christmas) and I just got some cock rings. The problem is they came with a warning not to use for more than one hour and they recommend 30 to 45 minutes. Why is that? What damage can they cause? It's got me a little freaked out.
I thought about looking up cock rings on the Internet, or calling a doctor, but I'm sleepy. If somebody reading this knows about cock rings, I'd be grateful for more information."
Dear Steve,
I enjoy your column. I just ended a relationship where the same thing happened as last week's letter (about false advertising in relationships). I wanted to share some insight from the female point of view to help that guy understand his girlfriend better (and if it helps anyone else, great). When I first met my boyfriend, I too, was low-maintenance. We moved in together and about two months later my behavior started to change. Part of it, with the smoking thing, was exactly as you said (I wanted him to stop because I cared about him). What changed for me was that as soon as I moved in, my boyfriend started treating me differently. When we first started dating, he treated me like a queen with a capital "Q." When I moved in, that came pretty much to a halt. My boyfriend also became much less passionate about me (the passion pretty much went out the window). I tried to figure out what was wrong but couldn't get an answer from him. After a couple of months of this, I started getting on his case about different things. Part of it was from feeling hurt about the change in him, part of it was trying to get him to hear what was going on. He never heard, our arguing got much worse, and we broke up. It was so sad for me because all I ever wanted was the man I originally fell in love with (the man he was before I moved in). If that man would have come back at any time, I guarantee that the relationship would still be going on and I would still be deeply in love, instead of deeply hurt. What we women really want is very simple: 1) We want to be treated well. 2) We want you to value your commitment to us when you're in one. 3) We want to be loved, desired and beautiful to you. 4) We want lots of fabulous monkey love just like you. If guys were just able to give their girls these four things, most women I know would be very happy and think their guy was the best guy in the whole world. My boyfriend used to be the best guy in the world until we moved in and he changed. Maybe he was just getting back the change that he was giving-how karmic (and ironic). So, to the guy in last week's letter, have a talk with your girl and ask her what's been going on and LISTEN! Tell her you love her, give her what she needs consistently, and follow the four rules. She will forgive you and you will get your low-maintenance girl back as soon as she sees you're for real. I wish my last boyfriend had done that for me.
Anonymous
The man you refer to complained that his girlfriend was only pretending to be low maintenance. You suggest it's his fault because he probably stopped treating her like a queen. Further, you suggest she will stop "getting on his case" if he consistently meets her needs and follows your four rules.
So, if a man treats you well, values your commitment, loves you, desires you, finds you beautiful (whether or not you are, in fact, beautiful) and makes fabulous monkey love to you-in return, you won't ride his back like a circus pony.
