***image1***A column for anyone with questions about love.
Do you have a burning question about love? Write to TheTaoofLove@aol.com.
Dear Duncan,
Don't you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk? Why don't you print some letters from people who actually have something worthwhile to say, instead of making fun of all those fools who write to you about circumcision, lesbians and why women prefer dating assholes?
It's too bad you feel that way, because I have a terrific letter from a Japanese woman who thinks that every man should be circumcised. It's great stuff and it would really agitate the Anti-Circumcision community (not to mention every guy with a foreskin). Even better, I have a letter from a lesbian who prefers dating women who are assholes. The answer to your first question is yes. I get tired of hearing my own voice even when I'm not talking, when it's just the voice in my head. The answer to your second question is the letter below.
Dear Duncan:
I've got to say, I'm kind of over this Alpha Male stuff. I'm not refuting that there is an animalistic and even a chemical component to our choices. Ripe breasts and broad hips on a woman-a musky, sexual scent on a man-can draw us to each other. But it's pretty simplistic, don't you think? It doesn't account for the psychological, sociological or pathological aspects of male/female behavior. And somewhere between the opposable thumb and critical consciousness, a few evolutionary rudiments got thrown in-like humor and neurosis. But I sympathize. You're a smart guy and hey-you only have a couple of paragraphs a week to shore up the gored hearts and bruised egos of your readers. It can't be easy. The blood loss alone is enough to make a grown man faint. And the whole premise behind a relationship column is that you provide an answer-a theory to explain our losses, our rejections and our failures in the arena of love. If we were all happily hooked up, would we even be having this interchange? No. We'd be busy groping each other at the movies, reading the New York Times in bed, and having your Basic Happy Relationship. As much as I'd love to blame someone for my single status, I know better than that. We make choices, most of them stupid. And when they turn out badly, we want a refund. Thus, all the bitching. And the stereotyping. But it's as offensive to say, "women do this" or "men do that" as it is to characterize Poles as stupid or Mexicans as lazy. As confounding as it may be, we're all our own special soup, a unique blend of strengths and shortcomings, hurts and heroism. And that's the good news. Someone out there is a wacky Chex Mix of stuff that brilliantly compliments our own zippy artichoke dip.
The recipe is simple: Stop bitching. Keep looking.
Signed,
Love Stew
I got lost in the midst of all those –ogical words. So, I'm not entirely sure what you're saying. I think you're saying that I shouldn't make generalizations about men and women, and that I shouldn't try to explain human mating the way I would animal mating because human love is more complex than animal love. Obviously, you're a chick; women are always saying things like that. This is one of the essential differences between men and women; men don't need to justify our attractions. Men can say, "she turns me on," and that's the end of the story. Women usually need more than that. For every man who's a good-looking idiot, there's a woman who thinks he has hidden depths. Just kidding-I thought it would be fun to jerk your chain. Everybody knows that women don't need to justify their attractions and men don't date women simply because they're attractive. All those stereotypes are ridiculous.
