Don't just be scared-be very, very afraid.
Given how busy civil servants get serving the public-and tending to their own legal problems-we thought some might be too busy to plan their Halloweens. We've taken the liberty of suggesting the following costumes for community leaders, along with the appropriate "treats" they should hand out when trick-or-treaters come calling.
WHO: Gov. Bill Richardson
COSTUME
: John Belushi. We know there's a Jack-swilling, guitar-smashing Bluto Blutarsky waiting to get out and into a…To-ga! To-ga! To-ga!
TRICK OR TREAT?
Jelly Bellies. No, that's not a crack at his weight…OK, maybe it is, but nothing says "Oval Office" quite like jelly beans.
WHO: State Treasurer Robert Vigil
COSTUME
: Bill O'Reilly.
TRICK OR TREAT?
Whoppers to the public; he'll save the Paydays for himself.
WHO: Mayor Larry Delgado
COSTUME
: Wallace Shawn, better known as the bald, pint-sized tyrant Vizzini from
The Princess Bride
.
TRICK OR TREAT?
Delgado will have a veritable Wonka factory of sweets at his disposal. He just won't answer the door to give them to anyone.
WHO: Sheriff Greg Solano
COSTUME
: Ralph Macchio or Lou Diamond Phillips. While Solano waxes a good Karate Kid, we'd hate to outlaw the cherubic sheriff from being one of the Young Guns.
TRICK OR TREAT?
Mr. Goodbars.
WHO: Municipal Judge Fran Gallegos
COSTUME
: Paula Jones. Do you really need an explanation?
TRICK OR TREAT?
She will hand out two Mounds bars to each youngster then will later claim to have given them each a Hummer H3.
WHO: City Councilor David Coss
COSTUME
: Barry Gibb from the Bee Gees. Coss would earn crucial points from the local chest-hair and sequin communities in the upcoming mayoral election.
TRICK OR TREAT?
Whatchamacallits.
WHO: Zozobra
COSTUME
: Mick Jagger. Jagger is a natural fit for Zoz, what with the collagen lips, fiery stage presence and the fact that they're both apparently over 81 years old.
TRICK OR TREAT?
Burnt peanuts.
Dan Frosch contributed to this story.
