Practical spirituality for a complicated world. Dear Robert,
I need some help in dealing with a friendship. Paula (not her true name) and I have been friends for a long time. We met about 20 years ago when we both worked for the state. We've been friends, as they say, through thick and thin. Several years ago, Paula became involved with a religious group that I would characterize as a cult. She has become increasingly involved in their activities to the point where her old friends rarely see her. She doesn't seem to be happy. Her new group has an answer to all of her questions, but these answers don't appear to satisfy her. Still, she stays with that group. The leaders are obviously unbalanced, deluded people. They say that their enemies are infected with a disease of evil. This tactic deflects any criticism of their actions and beliefs.
I asked Paula to have a session with you, since I know she has read your column, and enjoyed it in the past. Paula told me that she wouldn't work with you because you were only interested in making money, and worse, that you were infected with the disease of evil. She said that she had heard some people say terrible things about you, and that where there is smoke, there's bound to be some fire. Could you contact her and offer to work with her? I would pay for her session. Maybe if it comes from you, she will take it as a sign that she needs to change. Paula is truly a wonderful person. It would be sad to lose her presence in my life. This is a personal request from me; but please feel free to use this in your column if you think it might help somebody else. God bless you for the wonderful work you do.
With love and admiration,
EG, Santa Fe
Dear EG,
Thanks very much for your letter, your confidence in me, and your blessing. I really do appreciate that more than you can imagine. I do believe that your letter to me is appropriate material for a column. I did think it prudent to somewhat disguise the religious group to which Paula belongs, for I don't think that is really the focus. Your main concern seems to me to be Paula surrendering her own power and authority to a group, and that could be any group, couldn't it? I would agree with you that losing one's "self" in a relationship, whether it be a group, or even another person, doesn't support one's life as a man or woman of power. However, you and I need to remember that if we love someone, we must grant them freedom to make their own decisions, even if one of those decisions entraps them. We can have our say, tell the person what we think and how we feel. After that, however, we need to release them. Standing in our own power and authority implies that since we are in control, we have the ability to surrender that power and authority to another. This is not a popular statement to make, yet it is important to remember we are free to live in our power, or give it away.
It seems that so many people are only happy when they have converted everyone else to their own beliefs. You see this played out over and over in religion and politics. It's as if they think that great numbers of members give validity to their organizations, so their focus is on convincing everyone that their positions are correct while others are wrong. Of course, there is right and wrong in our world. That is not my point. I'm saying, quite simply, that if you're so busy being right, or being justified, or being pure, then you often leave little room to be happy. It does seem that when one's focus is on following rules, or running about preaching and pointing out how others are wrong, then there is no time to live life in its fullness. This is how I see it, however I still don't try to make everyone agree with me or live according to how I do. I advocate freedom of choice. I think one of the most marvelous gifts we can give others is to speak our truth and then leave them alone. But again, that's just me and the way I see it. Take it for what it's worth.
Now EG, to the matter of my calling Paula to work with her: I don't think that would be for her highest good and greatest joy. In addition, that is not the way I work. Perhaps I can explain it with a riddle I once heard; How many counselors does it take to change a light bulb? The answer is: None. The light bulb has to want to change. Paula is a free agent. It would be an imposition on your part, as well as mine, to go beyond your original suggestion that she contact me. You've done your duty, and now I advise you to let it go. You can be available for Paula if she reaches out to you. It is obvious that you love your friend. I assure you that the Creator Spirit, loves her just as much, if not more. She must have the freedom to explore her own path in her own way, in her own time. She will also experience the results of her actions. This is the spiritual law of karma. No matter how much you love someone, you can't protect them from themselves.
So Paula has heard that I'm only interested in making money. Oh my…if only that were a bit more true! St. Paul wrote that the servant is worth his hire. I believe I deserve to be paid. At the same time, many people come to work with me when they are in crisis, and lack of finances is often a major component of their pain and confusion. I have never turned anyone away because they couldn't pay. That makes me neither a saint, nor a fool. It is simply what my heart tells me. I have friends who employ the same policy, and I have friends who don't do anything at all without getting paid for it. I say "each to his own," and "live and let live."
Paula has also heard people say terrible things about me. I have no idea what she's heard, as you didn't share that in your letter. Thanks for that, by the way. It's really none of my business, and I'm better off not knowing. Let me say this: I've written over 240 columns for the Santa Fe Reporter. If people can't see who I am by now, they never will. I've been as open and honest as I know how to be. Now again, there is another possibility. I have been known to be rude to people. I have probably also been impatient at times. My sense of humor has been interpreted as irreverent, and I've made fun of religion and politics; I've also made fun of and laughed at myself. I call it "coyote medicine," while others call it "being an S.O.B." It seems that there are also those who see it as a dark infection. I think most people have the experience of being gossiped about at one time or another. We've all been misunderstood, haven't we? Perhaps a gift to be offered from this is the spiritual knowing that if others have misjudged and misunderstood us, then perhaps, at one time or another, we've misunderstood or misjudged others. Maybe it would benefit us all to ease up a bit, to relax, and not be so hard on each other.
Dear EG, thanks again for your very interesting letter. I hope this column has helped. I am sending you, and your friend, thoughts of your highest good and greatest joy.
OM
To ask Robert a question, visit his Web site, RobertOdom.com, e-mail him at desertrj@msn.com , or write him at PO Box 33, Santa Fe, NM 87504.
