Practical spirituality for a complicated world.
***image1***I continue to receive interesting emails about spirituality, relationships, politics, etc. I am blessed to have some of the most intelligent, curious readers around. I also have my share of truly weird mail, letters sealed with duct tape, postcards with words cut from other sources and pasted on. Why would someone go to such trouble to demonstrate how annoying they are?
One reader asked me why I'm not using questions from people as often as I used to, in my column. Actually, many, if not most, of the questions I've received in the past several months have been of such a personal, private nature, that I didn't feel comfortable using them in a column. Even though I try to respond to emails, I can't always make time for detailed answers. I disguise the identities of those whose questions I answer in columns, but still, it is difficult to answer extremely sensitive, private concerns in a small community such as ours, and still protect privacy.
I should also mention the patient, understanding Santa Fe Reporter Classified Manager, Melinda Gonzales. She is the young woman to whom I email my column each week. I'm sure I drive her to distraction with my insistence on using Standard English spelling. She's constantly having to change certain words to "American" spelling. Now that I've said that, I should explain that the entire English speaking world uses Standard English spelling, except for the US. Standard English spelling is often mistakenly called "British spelling," such as
colour, centre
, and the suffix
-ise
instead of
-ize.
It is not British; it's the standard spelling used in Great Britain, Ireland, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. The Americans, namely those academics at the elitist universities in New England, began the process of changing the spelling of our language around the time of the First World War. The rest of us weren't consulted, so why should we continue to be culturally dominated by them? I don't have many courses of rebellion and resistance to the American Empire open to me, so I resist by refusing to adopt their (mis)spelling of Standard English. Why don't you join me in this symbolic resistance? Using Standard English could be our little secret act of resistance against the all-encompassing control of the system. If this small act seems insignificant, so be it. However, it is non-violent, and apart from causing a bit of extra work for Melinda, really is harmless. (I apologise for the inconvenience, Melinda.)
Not long ago, another reader complimented me on being such a highly advanced spiritual being. I wrote back, assuring her that I am fully human, complete with foibles, character flaws and blind spots. This particular reader was impressed with some recent columns I've written about honouring your own inner knowing. She told me that she was adopting my advice about believing people when they show you who they are, and avoiding a lot of drama and pain. Quite frankly, I can't think of any knowing that has enhanced my spiritual path more than trusting my own inner voice, and honouring that knowing. Flowing from this, is the awareness that people continually tell us who they are, usually through their actions, seldom through their words. This sounds so simple, doesn't it? Well, I suppose it really is simple; however, it can be quite challenging to implement. This is especially true for those who suffer from the debilitating condition of being people pleasers. It's not that pleasing people is necessarily a bad thing, but rather that some of us were socialised to take it too far. We sacrificed our own best interests in order to please others. We wound up trying to get everyone to like us or approve of us, no matter the cost to us personally. One day I woke up and realised that most of those people I was desperately trying to get to like me were not especially likeable themselves. It was shocking to see that I didn't care for most of them. So, who was the foolish one there? I, the maniacal people pleaser, that's who! That realisation was the beginning of my recovery from people pleasing.
Honouring my own inner knowing has become a way of life for me. Once in a while, though, I do have a little setback. Let me share one with you now, including how I handled it when I realised what I'd done. Last week-end, November 5th, we met friends for lunch at a restaurant downtown where we've enjoyed the buffet for years. Out of respect for what this restaurant used to be, I will not name it. It has sadly declined in both service and the quality of the food they serve. Yet they seem to have a regular clientele, though they don't bustle with customers as they once did. We arrived at the restaurant before our friends, and were seated. I noticed that a saucer on the table was encrusted with bits of dried food. Normally, under those circumstances, we would get up and leave, but we didn't, as we were waiting for friends. Then, I glanced down and saw a mouse nest against the wall. It was bits of chewed paper and cloth, quite obviously freshly made. I was shocked. I glanced at the floor a bit farther along and saw another mouse nest! I told James, and he looked down in disbelief. I called a waiter over, and asked him what it was. He replied, "It's a rat nest," and walked away to serve chai at another table. I then went to tell the young man at the register that there were mouse nests in the dining room. He came over, saw them, retrieved a vacuum sweeper and cleared them both away. He never said anything. There was not a word of apology or thanks for bringing it to their attention. Our friends arrived, and were aghast at what we told them had just happened. One of them reminded us that in many cities, a single mouse dropping would close down a restaurant, much less two fresh mouse nests in the dining room. Even so, we stayed there and ate. So, who has the greater problem, the dirty restaurant or we who ate there knowing about the problem? Afterward, to be honest with you, I was very disappointed in myself for not walking out when we saw dirty dishes on the table, not to mention mouse nests! I spent a couple of hours fussing at myself for not honouring my inner knowing. Then, I remembered one of my favourite affirmations:
While I am a human being, I am allowed to make mistakes.
I think that holds true for all of us. Mistakes are opportunities to reaffirm and redefine who we are and what is important to us. Today, as I share this story with you, I can tell you that I will never sit in another restaurant where there are dirty dishes on the table, evidence of mice in the dining room, and inattentive staff. I'm worth more than that. I deserve better.
I really do enjoy writing a weekly column for the Reporter. I love teaching classes in spiritual development and having individual consultations with clients. I accept the responsibility of being an elder and teacher. However, I would never want to give the impression that I don't make mistakes, or that I don't have issues I work on. I am blessed to be in a position where I have fun walking my spiritual path, and my ego detours seem a bit silly sometimes, but thankfully less frequent than in the past. Progress is, indeed, perfection in motion.
OM
In light of this week's topic, the corrections for spelling normally made to Robert's column will resume next week.
To ask Robert a question, visit his website at www.RobertOdom.com, email desertrj@msn.com or send mail to PO Box 33, Santa Fe NM 87504.