In today's column, there are two intriguing letters, from interesting points of view. Are they actually from readers of Walk Your Talk? Hmmmm......
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Dear Robert,
I live on a ranch outside Santa Fe, near Pecos. I have only recently learned to read and write. You see, I'm a cow. No, no, not like your mother-in-law. I really am a cow. Stop it!! I really am. Here is my story. I was born in 1999. I basically raised myself, for I never knew my father, and my mother disappeared one day when I was but a small calf. I was adopted by a young girl who developed an interest in me. She even took me to the State Fair one year. I think she sensed a spark in me, for she would spend hours sitting beside me, reading. It took me a while, but I slowly began to understand that those little black marks on the paper represented words, thoughts, and ideas. One day, I came across a book which the girl had hidden behind a bale of hay. It was called,
To Serve Cows
. Since the girl and her family fed us and watered us, I assumed that their intention was to serve us, to make our lives more comfortable. She even gave me my own salt block to lick at my leisure. Well, my illusions ended when I began reading it. The book was not a manual on how to take care of me and my fellows. It was a cookbook! They were herding us about, moving us from here to there, preparing to eat us! When I discovered this, I ran out into the pasture and told all my friends. They didn't believe me. My cousin, Ferdinand the Bull, said, "Do you expect us to believe that there is an organized conspiracy, controlling our lives, for some mysterious purpose; and that these people we deal with on a daily basis are working behind the scenes and are part of that conspiracy?" Oh sure, the others admitted that they'd heard rumors of cows disappearing, from time to time. But, they told me I was mistaken, and accused me of being a conspiracy nut. They said I was "way out there". They asked me how I could think such terrible things about the ranch administration, who were taking care of us, feeding us, providing water, and protection from coyotes. Ferdinand said the ranch administration may not be perfect, but they're still better than any other ranch administration in the world. They called me disloyal and ungrateful. But, I am grateful; I just feel like they're milking us for all we're worth.
Look Robert, I know they'd believe me if I could just figure out how to get through to them. I have proof, but the evidence is in writing, and they can't read. The people here at the ranch keep your column from week to week, to line the bottom of their birdcages. If you answer me, I might catch it before they put it under the chicken roost. Oh yeah, and they're stealing the chickens blind, looting the eggs right out from under them, and the chickens don't notice it at all! I even found another book called
To Serve Chicken
. Guess what? It's a cookbook, too! Do you have any advice?
Sincerely, Bessye the Heifer, Somewhere near Pecos
Dear Bessye,
I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but I doubt the other cows are going to listen to you. They believe that their oppressors are protecting them. They think you're a conspiracy nut. The best you can hope for is to escape and make your own way. But, independence has its particular hazards. Most prefer the security of the herd, even while they're being led to the slaughter. I'm sorry. On the bright side, you might try this mantra, Govinda Jai Jai, Gopala Jai Jai
Sincerely, Robert, The Redneck Hindu
(With apologies to Rod Serling)
Dear Robert,
I think you are being so unfair to us dark spirits. We have feelings too, you know. If it weren't for us, the planet would be over populated. We stir up aggression, promote warfare, encourage religious intolerance, and keep the population numbers down. We employ a lot of people in the military-industrial-religious complex. We've created most of the video games your children play. We entertain millions through our movies and music. What's wrong with violence? It's real life, man. I get so tired of all you dogooders whining about peace on earth. What would happen to all the people who would lose their jobs if there were no war, or if your empire pulled back from ruling the world? Why shouldn't you Americans rule the world? Who would take over if you started minding your own business? The French? Come on, get real! And by the way, where do you get off criticizing the Bush Family and the Clintons? I happen to know all of them very, very well. Hillary is an especially close friend of mine, which you'll see for yourself in 2008. We dark spirits don't neglect religion, either. In fact we love it so much that we start new ones all the time. Heck, we've invested a lot of time and energy in the Moral Majority and the Christian Coalition. Just back off, and give Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson a break, okay? As the prince of this world, I have rewarded them with kingdoms of this world, all tax free. You could have the same, if you weren't so uptight.
What do you have against drugs? You must not have tried the really good ones, man. I've met many of my closest associates through drugs. Drugs are organic, all natural, part of the herbs meant for us to use, no different than garlic or basil. You don't like pesto? My friends can deal you some really good pesto, man. And, what is it with you and all this God talk? I read your column, and I must tell you that I'm disappointed with all that God, God, God, peace, peace, peace, love, love, love. It's boring, man! We want to hear about sex. That's where it's at, dude. That's what's happening.
Why do you remain so enamored with Krishna and India? Look, I've got a good friend from India, Rick Shasha. He'll do a lot more for you than all that God consciousness you drone on and on and on about. Why are you so stubborn? As I told you, the politicians and religious leaders have come to their senses, and co-operate with me. I reward them well. And, my friend, we manage to appear much holier than you do! Ha!
Look here, Robert. You've got some talent. Don't waste it on all this silliness about healing and God consciousness. Everybody else is using the "f" word, cursing God, writing popular books and columns, and getting famous. What's your problem? I hope you guessed my name.
Sincerely, Belle Z. Bubb, 666 Hades Drive
In response, Belle Z. Bubb, yes, indeed, I guessed your name, and I have no sympathy for you. I will also remind you that the only power you have is temporary, and on loan from the Creator. I don't understand why the Creator has given you any power at all. But I do know that despite free will, the end of this story has already been written. You lose. Even when God is silent, He's more dependable than you could ever be. Oh yes, and by the way, don't call me "friend".
Dear Readers, let me remind you once more about the special firewalk on New Year's Eve. This is such a fabulous way to begin your new year, and a wonderful investment in your Walk with Spirit. Please call Gwen Feisst, Director of Firewalks for the Light Institute in Galisteo, at 466-2584 to reserve your space. I hope I'll see you there. OM
To ask Robert a question, visit his website at www.RobertOdom.com, email desertrj@msn.com or send mail to PO Box 33, Santa Fe, NM 87504.