1
BOB DYLAN WINS NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE, has yet to accept
How does it feel?
2
POLICE ARREST YET ANOTHER WRONG-WAY DRIVER ON I-25
Maybe instead of "Wrong Way," the signs should say "Turn Around for Free Drinks."
3
LOS ALAMOS NATIONAL LAB TO SEND ALL NEW RADIOACTIVE WASTE OUT OF STATE
If you've been looking to transform into a mutant/superhero, you'd better get to it.
4
RED RIVER BANK EMPLOYEE WAS IN ON HEIST WITH COUSIN
Great work, geniuses.
5
GARY JOHNSON AND DARREN WHITE ARE FRIENDS AGAIN YEARS AFTER MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION FALLOUT
Such is the power of weed, you guys … Man, we could go for some gummi bears.
6
SF MAYOR WANTS CITY TO HELP RESIDENTS REDUCE SUGAR INTAKE
He just remembered that Halloween is coming.
7
CONTROLLED BURN HAS US ALL WHEEZING
And it looks kinda spooky.
