1
ARMY CORPS DENIES DAKOTA ACCESS PIPELINE
Water protectors can totally trust the government and go home now.
2
MONTE DEL SOL CHARTER SCHOOL BANS CELLPHONES IN THE CLASSROOM
Good plan. Y'know, assuming the kids don't die or anything.
3
DOWNTOWN MERCHANTS WON'T CHIP IN TO SUBSIDIZE FREE DOWNTOWN SATURDAY PARKING AT CHRISTMASTIME THIS YEAR
After all, who can even afford it anymore?
4
NETFLIX ADDS OFFLINE MODE
Well, great. There goes the last scrap of our social lives.
5
TRUMP SAYS NEW POTUS PLANES ARE TOO SPENDY
But how will he visit Pakistan now?
6
RAILYARD BANKRUPTCY TRUSTEE SQUASHES BOWLING ALLEY LEASE
Another chapter in the worst book we have ever read.
7
US EMPLOYMENT RATE DROPS TO 4.6 PERCENT
Think of it like the eye of the coming shit-storm.
