1
IS YOUR MICROWAVE SPYING ON YOU?
Or was Kellyanne just referring to how every time Trump lifts his hand, it's a 'micro-wave'?
2
AXLE CONTEMPORARY CO-FOUNDER JERRY WELLMAN OFF TO A SPEEDY RECOVERY AFTER HEART ATTACK
Get well, Jerry—this town needs you!
3
GOV. MARTINEZ WANTS PRISONS TO WORK WITH ICE
More inmates for longer amounts of time is just what we need right now.
4
OH, AND SHE ALSO HATES TEACHERS...
She vetoed that bill because we pay them so well that they should never get sick.
5
...BUT THEN THE SENATE VOTED TO OVERRIDE HER VETO
What a wonderful in-your-face for the modern era.
6
NM HAS HIGHEST UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IN THE COUNTRY
Unless you're someone's cousin or something.
7
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS BILL MAY SAVE US FROM EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING RAVAGES OF WINTERTIME'S Eternal DARKNESS
Bad news for assholes with early tee-times, good news for people who don't like being sad.
