1
ANNUAL PET PARADE DRAWS MASSIVE CROWDS
Because the real spirit of Fiestas involves dressing your dog like a picnic item.
2
DRIFTING SMOKE MAKES IT HARD TO BREATHE
At least our dumbass fireworks didn't catch our favorite natural landmark on fire.
3
POPE APPLIES BANDAGE TO BLACK EYE FROM POPEMOBILE CRASH IN COLOMBIA
Church not sure what to do about its permanent black eye from sex abuse scandal and forced conversion of Natives in the Americas.
4
MORIARTY MAN CLAIMS MILLION-DOLLAR POWERBALL
Also announces inaugural dump-all-your-friends initiative.
5
20-SOMETHING GUS PEDROTTY RUNNING FOR ALBUQUERQUE MAYOR
First on the docket: totally rad skateboard parties with just, like, so many energy drinks and beers! YouTube! Facebooks!
6
BIG BOX WINE SHOP MIGHT MOVE TO SANTA FE
Don't forget to deliver all those bottles to a recycling drop-off point. They'll pile up in the garage.
7
GOVERNOR'S ATTORNEY GETS FRONT-PAGE FEATURE IN DAILY PAPER
But calling him a pit bull is an affront to wonderful dogs the world over.
