SHAKE SHACK TO RETURN $10 MILLION IN FEDERAL PAYROLL PROTECTION LOANS…You’re goddamn right they are.
…WHILE COUNTLESS SELF-EMPLOYED AMERICANS STILL DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITSThey’re also shook by Shake Shack’s shady shit.
GOV. SAYS SANTA FE NURSERIES CAN DO LIMITED BUSINESS AFTER ALLWe just hope Home Depot and Lowes will be OK!
CITY COULD HIT $46 MILLION BUDGET SHORTAGE FOR THE FISCAL YEARWe just assumed Webber’s livestreamed reading of Winnie the Pooh would have solved that…?
TEXAS MIGHT REOPEN SOME BUSINESSES AS SOON AS THIS WEEK…Whatever you do, Texas, just keep Willie safe!
…GEORGIA, TOOWe could only come up with jokes about peaches here, so let’s just skip to the part about how this is a bad plan.
LITERALLY TENS OF SANTA FEANS PROTEST QUARANTINE AT THE CAPITOLJust how badly do people need those haircuts?
