7 Days

8.12.2020

  1. NEW DATA SAYS RESTAURANTS ARE ONE OF THE RISKIER PLACES TO BE COVID-WISE They tie with “going anywhere” and “doing anything.”
  2. KIRTLAND MAN RACKS UP 14th DWI That should be our state slogan at this point: “Like driving drunk? Move here!”
  3. “ONLINE SCHOOL SUCKS,” SAY PARENTS WE KNOW Though we’re not sure if it’s about the online part or the kids-always-at-home part.
  4. TAOS RESIDENTS SAY OUT-OF-STATERS ARE CAUSING A RUCKUS Imagine—an area where people who don’t live there show up and do weird shit the locals hate. It’s like a mini-lesson in colonialism.
  5. COUNTRY EXCEEDS 5 MILLION CONFIRMED COVID CASES We’re number 1! We’re number 1!
  6. THAT AXIOS/TRUMP INTERVIEW WITH JONATHAN SWAN HAS TO BE SATIRE, RIGHT? Swan’s the hero America needs—and homeboy’s Australian as fuck!
  7. NEW MEXICO GIRL SCOUTS TO OFFER ONLINE CLASSES JUST TELL US HOW WE GET THE EFFING SAMOAS!!!