Alex De Vore
Ranier Wood (left) and Jim Trudell make the fanciest of drinks at Crash Murder Business.
I‘d already visited newly-minted Montezuma Avenue coffee shop Crash Murder Business a few weeks earlier by the time I convinced owner Ranier Wood I wasn’t out to do harm through the printed word. I will fully admit that my first thought was something about how CMB would never last with such a complicated name (these are the words for a group of rhinos, crows and ferrets, respectively) and such a complicated menu (more on that in a minute), but now that I’ve visited a couple times, I’ve completely changed my tune. Perhaps that’s more about hoping a business lasts just because I like it, but I can see Santa Fe embracing this new downtown spot, and I hope it does.
Wood is a Santa Fe native, though it’s been some time since she lived here year-round. She’s a movement teacher and yoga fan, a multi-media artist and a potions maker; she likes building up women and believes in pussy power. (God, though, who doesn’t?) At the risk of sounding like some dumb hippie, she oozes good vibes. Still, when COVID-19 reared its ugly head in 2020, Wood was in the midst of a privately funded artist residency in New York City, a far cry from her new Santa Fe digs. Nervous about high transmission rates and so much death, she says, Wood grabbed her son and returned home.
“In New York, there were refrigerated trucks for extra bodies,” she says of those startling early-COVID times. “It was a good time to leave, and besides—I came back and thought, ‘Oh, I love it here! There’s parking and fresh air and friends I’ve known my whole life!’ I do think it’s really important to leave Santa Fe, though.”
Agreed. If nothing else, Santa Feans can sometimes lack perspective, and I say that as someone who loves this city as much as anyone can love a civilization. Wood’s vision upon returning was to create an amalgam of services under one roof with a special bent toward women—but don’t worry, dudes, you can also patronize Crash Murder Business. And you’ll want to do that. Up front, find the coffees, elixirs and rigorously-developed concoctions served alongside drip coffee and espresso. You’ll also find manager Jim Trudell, formerly of Montezuma Coffee Co., which once served a hot cup just up the street from Wood’s new operation.
“Jim is a fucking miracle,” Wood says, beaming. “He’s been in coffee for 20 years, whereas I’ve never done coffee, I’ve never done foodservice. Jim saved my butt, because I tend to like really bougie shit, really fancy coffee, and he comes from the more fast, economical—but flavorful—thing that keeps me from going bankrupt.”
So what does a woman who loves fancy drinks but knows nothing of the coffee business do? The first thing was to learn. Wood enlisted Iconik Coffee Roaster’s Chase Stafford for CMB’s eespresso beans. They’re a type Iconik roasts but doesn’t serve in any of its shops; Trudell handles the drip, and Wood devises bizarre (excellently absurd?) potions that sound daunting at first, but are brilliantly delicious if a little complex.
Alex De Vore
Take the Streak of Tigers, a $6 single origin espresso served with milk and curry, black pepper, cacao and maple syrup. What are all those things doing in a cup of coffee? Kicking ass. It’s a deeply flavorful and earthy delight, none of which one would expect, but about which I’ve been haunted for days. Wood even represents tiger stripes across the coffee’s surface with spices. It’s delicious, frankly. For the more sweet-minded drinkers out there who want a nice quaff but aren’t looking for caffeine, Wood’s Glory of Unicorns ($4) is indeed glorious, from the frothy milk with vanilla and subtle maple syrup flavor (Wood likes to add maple syrup to drinks, and this is not a complaint) to the edible multi-color glitter topper and whipped cream. It is, frankly, a miracle elixir, and it hit me right in the sweet tooth and in the belly. Want that with coffee? You can totally make it happen for an extra $1.75.
“Jim was like, ‘these drinks...you’re insane!’” Wood notes with a laugh, “but I don’t know that there are many women-owned coffee shops, and there aren’t a lot of places to hang out in that are beautiful or aesthetically interesting to hang out in, especially with high quality coffee.”
Wood does want folks to hang out, by the way. Sit there all day, really—nothing would please her more. You’re also more likely to learn about what’s going on toward the back of the building—studio space for women artists, including multimedia creator Margaret R Thompson, (@margaret_r_thompson on insta), whose work I’m hopeful to see in more public settings soon. Wood has her own little visual arts studio space back there, too, but is perhaps most excited about the fitness and movement space. It’s everything you’d think it would be: wood floors, floor-length mirrors and other non-floor related elements. For now, Wood will teach classes in there, though she might alter it down the road. Same goes for an outdoor space on the side of the building where a peach tree reportedly offers up two or three perfect pieces of fruit per year, but keeps things shady in the summertime. It would make an ideal sit ‘n’ sip spot, as would a narrow patch out front where, assuming measures taken by the city during COVID to allow outdoor dining remain, Crash Murder Business could finagle a couple extra outdoor seats.
Alex De Vore
For now you’ll have to make do with the aforementioned drinks and numerous others, like the Parliament of Owls with Earl Grey tea, orange blossom honey, cardamom and charred cedar bitters or the Skull of Foxes with turmeric, chai and ginger ($5.50 each). You’ll also find a new pastry menu ($3.50-$4) with croissants and danish and such. Wood’s project is an ambitious one, and it could become a lot of things. Good, I say. Let it. But let us also visit, my fellow citizens. If we don’t pop by the places that name drinks for owls and such, we’ll be a nation of Starbucks—and they don’t even offer studio space. Who wants that?
