When we were but a little Forklette, Le Gran Fork-Mere foisted upon us a level of yard work and gardening you wouldst not believe, dear readers. Sundays were the worst in a dawn-til-dusk kind of way which found us yanking weeds and hauling ill-gotten railroad ties and digging ponds and such. We’re aware it’s not exactly hard labor, but when you’re a kid and your friends spend Sundays laughing and watching movies and you’re on hour seven of learning about how and why roses propagate, you’re kind of like, “Eff this.” And so it went. And so it sucked. And so we wept, right up until we started smoking weed regularly, at which point the call of the natural universe seemed intriguing. To this day, the most fun we ever had outside was on mushrooms, when the plants of the nearby arroyo seemed to be dancing as if under water, and the cool wind meshed with that perception to cause a sincerely amazing evening wherein we were pretty sure we’d wound up under the sea.
To get back to the point, we became the kind of person who just doesn’t dig yardwork and gardening, but the more and more we realize how everything is burning down, nothing feels good and the people in power have no interest in helping anyone, the more we’ve come to believe growing your own food is a radical act. Additionally, since we assume any time we have a thought there are others who had the same thought, we started wondering about what’s to be done in a garden in May; y’know, seeing as it’s May and all. And we’re going to share what we’ve learned in case anyone else wants to dip their toe into the idea of growing food at home.
First of all, we were at Reunity Resources the other day in pursuit of some food information (we’ll give you what we learned below in the local section), and we noticed they sometimes sell seeds and seedlings. We bet if you called, they could tell you what days. Here’s a link to the website. Reunity staff also has a farm stand from which they sell the yields of their efforts, plus volunteering opportunities, both with the farm itself and at its offshoot, Full Circle Farm, run by the Alas de Agua Art Collective and the Three Sisters Collective among others.
We won’t get into a whole thing about the mechanics of raised beds other than to say you can find lots of information about how to build them online, that they’re a wise choice for urban micro-farmers—and that we think they just look cool. We will, however, point out that we’ve discovered there are well over 20 crops worth planting in May. It’s a great time for cabbage (which, we swear, goes great with hot dogs) and beets (have you had the beet-based veggie burger at Santa Fe Bite? It’s a revelation). May is a great time for lettuce (put it on a sandwich or put it in a salad) or corn (which grows great in our region)—plus melons, squashes, beans and herbs. This is a great time of the year to start growing strawberries and sweet potatoes, or even parsnips and okra. Egg plant and zucchini are dying to pop up in your backyard, and with those two bad boys and a little bit of sauce n’ cheese? Baby, you’ve got a parm going.
For backyard or more urban gardening purposes, our research leads us to tell you how you should limit yourself to a couple if it’s your first foray, and make sure they’re things you’re definitely going to eat. Otherwise, what even are you doing? We recommend starting with corn, beets and zucchini, because our mom said she’s grown them and they’re not too terribly fussy (all things considered), and you can use those things in a refreshing cold summer salad. But you do you, little babies, and we wish you luck on any new endeavors. If we actually do any of this (because TV got real good and it’s entirely possible we’ll just nap through the rest of the month), we’ll take photos. If you wind up with photos, will you send ‘em? In fact, if you already have some, you should send ‘em. We think a Fork Fanz Foto Fun edition would be cool!
This is where the joke came from. Did y’all get that, or did you need the video?
Also
-While on the farm the other day, we tragically learned that Rose’s Kitchen will not be serving up its amazing food this summer, though we’re told another food truck or two might appear during live music events. Staff recently laid a concrete foundation for a stage-like area, too, and we’re told it’ll be covered and beautiful. If you missed out on any of the shows last year, you should fix that this year.
-We also hear that Ben Crosky, of ongoing pizza pop-up Tender Fire Kitchen, has signed a lease on a new space down Agua Fría Street, and that can only mean one thing: Tender Fire’s going brick and mortar, baby! SFR loved Crosky’s pie, and soon you’ll be able to love it, too, and in a dedicated location.
-Coming up on June 2 through 5, you’ll find the inaugural ABQ Wine Classic, an aptly named wine fest going down in ABQ (that’s Albuquerque, of course). Get more info and maybe even buy tickets here.
-The Santa Fe New Mexican’s Teya Vitu, who is now our sworn enemy for breaking news before us, and whom we dare to meet us at the flag pole after school, reports that the one-time gas station/car sales lot on Cerrillos Road and Monterey Drive (you know, by Taco Bell) will soon become Santa Fe Baked, a new bakery that will probably slap, because most bakeries slap around here somehow. Vitu reports that owner Kate Holland wants to open by early next year. See you after class, Teya!
-PSA: Mother’s Day is coming up, so, like, make plans with your mom if they’re a part of your life. Lots of local restaurants are likely doing things, though we’re not going to post them all, because what are we? Made of minutes?
-We just heard that Terra at Four Seasons (that’s a restaurant at the Four Seasons) debuted a new menu last week inspired by chef Jose Fernandez’s Spanish roots. The menu reportedly includes, but isn’t limited to, paella, house made green chile bison meatballs and green chile cheddar cornbread. Dang!
-Lastly in local, or at least regional news, we all know that the fires burning around the state are causing a real bad time for literally everyone, but for those of us who don’t work on the front lines and have not been evacuated, we can’t possibly imagine the hardships, the financial strain and the emotional toll. Legal Tender Saloon & Eating House/Bar Castaneda owner/chef Sean Sinclair knows this, and that’s why he’s been putting together an ongoing free buffet in Las Vegas for folks affected by the fires. Local restaurants like Charlie’s Spic & Span have stepped up to the plate to help, too, and for those who don’t live nearby but want to help in a direct and tangible way, there’s a GoFundMe page where you can donate. The chatter on that page indicates these buffets have been feeding about 150 displaced New Mexicans and workers per day, and they can’t keep going it alone. Kick a few bucks over there. You’ll feel better.
This has nothing to do with anything other than this song SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPS, and we mean that sincerely. The beat? The vibe? The Britney? So down.
More Tidbits
-Apparently when she’s not busy getting sued for plagiarism, singer Dua Lipa is hangin’ around the Truly Hard Seltzer Taproom. We know those words, just not in that order. Anyway, she went there.
-Writer, essayist and all-around super-champ Rax King (about whom SFR’s Annabella Farmer was just talking in November) has a pretty great essay over at Punch Drink-dot-com wherein she describes brands like Skinny Bitch and Bitch vodka (not related, we think, but we aren’t about to find out) as “insidious.” In the piece, she writes, “Now, I like a spicy cocktail name as much as the next bitch; tacitly poking fun at one’s customers is one of the perks of being a bartender, after all. But these names speak to an attitude that persists among lovers of spirits that insipid, colorless vodka is ordered only by women who are themselves insipid and colorless.” We love King’s writing and think you should check it out.
-We love local, so so much, but even we sometimes come up against needing some weird-ass ingredient we can’t get in Santa Fe. Luckily, the nerds at Bon Appétit-dot-com threw together a list of online grocery retailers who sell all kinds of weird stuff.
-Thrillist-dot-com, in its never-ending quest to make lists of things, misidentifies an entire food culture by placing Santa Fe’s La Choza on its list of the best Mexican restaurants in America. Never mind that it’s New Mexican food (a very different thing), we’re still...proud? Feeling less shame? Who even knows anymore.
-File this last bit of non-local news under “WE HATE IT,” because researchers apparently taught AI how to write beer and wine reviews. Writing about things is our deal, computers—suck a virus, bros!
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
This week’s print edition of SFR gets into a new restaurant from chef Fernando Ruiz and former Meow Wolf CEO Vince Kadlubek. It’s called Escondido, and we want the tacos that’re bound to come outta there.
Number of Letters Received
54
*Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah, buddies! We got some great stuff about whether we should eat chicken again, and if that series of words makes no sense to you, maybe check out last week’s Fork?
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)
“Please don’t make my life as a vegan harder by spreading misinformation.”
*Ummm, not sure how what WE do affects YOUR life, Melissa H., but it’s funny to us that we’ve spent years getting “you don’t eat meat, loser?!?!!” emails about our vegetarian lifestyle, only to be met with this the second we’re like, “huh, maybe our readers have some thoughts that aren’t self-centered whining.”
Actually Helpful Tip(s)
“I first started eating meat again on a 10 week trip to Greece and Italy. I wasn’t sure how easy it would be to travel as a vegetarian and so I decided to expand my diet. This was in around 1988, so the dark ages. I found it fascinating that I had no bad reaction when I resumed eating meat. I guess my body really needed it. Maybe yours does, too.”
*Tracy C. speaks so smart and she speaks so true.
“That moment when you start to think about meat and changing what you eat—it’s pretty major. i was vegan for 11 years and then veggie for about five more but ultimately ended up incorporating fish and then other meat into my diet (to some degree for work). i’d be happy to talk to you more about it if you like—anytime.”
*Laurel G. being an absolute sweetheart and really grasping the gravity of our conundrum.
“You list some symptoms and you wonder if you’re getting the right nutritional elements in your diet. There are ways to find out what you’re lacking. Get a nutritional evaluation profile, which involves finding a functional medicine doctor and having a simple blood draw. Also, I am concerned, given your listed symptoms, that you may have thyroid issues. Have you considered getting your thyroid levels checked? Lastly, and not to bum you out, but at a certain age, women start to have hormonal issues, and that may be the sleepless nights thing. Again, functional medicine may help.”
*Sage words from Aileen O., who only scared us a little bit, but in the right ways. Are we a woman, though? A man? What is life?! Maybe we’re that beer and wine AI, even...
“Might I suggest that you obtain a copy of the book called ‘Eat Right for Your Type’ which is about the foods that are best for your particular blood type. You can ask your doctor to order a blood test for you that will reveal what your blood type is (other blood tests don’t reveal that, unless blood type is specifically asked for) or I think you can even order home tests for blood type, but I’m not sure how you do that. I think you will find it most interesting reading, and good for your health. It has certainly helped me.”
*Jeri C. also cares about our blood, and we are honestly so touched that readers like Jeri here took the time to offer actual, usable advice. We usually get “if I could, I’d travel back in time and kill your great, great grandparents to obliterate any chance of your ever existing!” This is much nicer.
“I just go by my “gut” feeling. If I feel I need a little meat, I eat it.”
*Kerry K. saying what we think we’ve been feeling.
“One thing that surprised me was that the flavor of meat wasn’t as good as I remembered it. In general, chicken truly tasted like dead pieces of meat and smelled really gross. Meat counters at the store smelled straight-up foul. Ground meat was even worse. I found that the only meat I could eat was expensive sustainable, free range, yada yada yada meat, which costs a lot. It’s a bummer after being vegan, where I could afford to feed myself well for a week for about $30 because veggies cost nothing.”
*Hilary B. offered up a cornucopia of great info, not all of which do we have space for, but which we’ve taken to heart. She’s our new favorite, so screw the rest of you!!!
“I think you should eat what you want, Fork.”
*Oh, dang, Sue B. making a run for the “our favorite” slot!
“As far as chicken goes, I always thought their little fucking skeletons were just too gross.”
*Sorry, Hilary B., but Tess H. takes it by a nose. This made us LAAAAAAUUUUUGH! Tess said some other great stuff, too, but this is just too good.
Artificially intelligent,
The Fork
