We last made French toast on Sunday, late afternoon. No, it wasn’t like a brunch thing, it was a full-on breakfast for dinner situation, and we regret nothing. But it did make us wonder: When was the last time the folks made French toast? We asked our friends, all of whom (who responded, anyway) told us they never make it. Two even told us, and we’re quoting, “I’m not a chef, it’s too hard.” We thought it was weird how two entirely different people said the exact same thing about French toast, but as we were, at the time, completely sated by the eggy, vanilla’d-out goodness, all we could muster in response was, “Well, that’s fucking dumb.”
And so, in the spirit of showing our stupid friends how easy it can be to make French toast, and because we’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel inspiration-wise this week (and because we wondered when you last supped on that most French of toasts, dear readers), we’re gonna give you our super-easy recipe for making kickass Frenchie-T.
We’ll never call it that again, but we will point out one little thing to any gourmands who just read this and thought, “Fie and foo, le Fork! I’ve known how to maketh toast—which I literally learned at Le Cordon Bleu in France—since before the times of yore. Forsooth, why hast thou forsaken thy more complex knowledge for this simple, albeit wonderful, dish?! I case thee out! You are, as we say in France, a ruinous butt!” Why? Because maybe some people don’t know how to make it yet or never tried before or just plain like it. We can’t all be cooking up quails and, like, béarnaise sauces and stuff. Jeeze.
Fork’s Can’t-Fail French Toast
You’ll need:
- Loaf of challah or brioche bread (both available pretty much anywhere, and both great for toasting Frenchly; the Chocolate Maven has a great challah)
- 5 eggs (because we’re making the whole loaf in this recipe, which can feed up to 4 but as few as 2)
- Some vanilla extract
- Half ‘n’ half (or macadamia milk—seriously)
- Pinch o’ salt
- As much cinnamon as you think you can handle
- As much unsalted butter as you effing feel like
The Steps:
- Slice that loaf into whatever size slices you like. We like ‘em kinda thick.
- Heat up a pan of yours (that you confidently feel could fit, like, four slices of the bread) at medium low. We’re gonna turn it up in a sec, just relax.
- In a bowl, combine eggs and a healthy splash of half ‘n’ half (or macadamia milk), add that pinch of salt and whisk/beat with a fork til combined. Let sit for as long as it takes you to drop some butter into your pan and then turn it up to medium/medium-high heat.
- Return to that egg bowl, this time adding as much freaking vanilla extract as you can handle. We’ve heard a lot of stuff about teaspoons and tablespoons and blah blah blah—you know how much vanilla you like, and through painstaking research we’ve discovered you cannot mess it up with too much. There’s no such thing.
- By now, your butter has melted all over that pan and you’re ready to dip your bread into the vanilla’d out batter you just whipped up. Do that, doing your best to let it soak through the bread without heading into soggy town. Note that there should still be a center of not-battered bread. This is sometimes called the French toast bone. We’re not kidding. Anyway, soak the slice and transfer it immediately to your hot pan. Fill the pan this way.
- While one side cooks, sprinkle as much cinnamon as you like all over the other side. Again, eschew tablespoons for personal taste. Trust us—have we ever steered you wrong before?
- Cook that one side about 4-5 minutes or until golden brown (duh—that’s the magic shade).
- You’re about to flip your French toast over, and it’s time to ask yourself if you’d like to add more butter to the mix. The cinnamon you sprinkled all over that bad boy will have adhered itself to the eggy batter on the one side by now, which will prevent it from sticking, but remember that this is French food (we don’t actually know or care if that’s true), so there’s never enough butter. In other words, you don’t have to add more butter at this point, but you can!
- Flip and cook on that other side for about 5-7 minutes, or until the cinnamon is all cooked in there and it has a satisfying crunchy looking thing going on. You’ll know when it’s ready because it will look gorgeous.
- Throw it on a plate and add maple syrup, whipped cream, fruit—really, whatever you like.
So there you have it. Simple, easy, delicious for breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner, a snack, a depression meal or whenever else you need a little bit of battered bread.
This could soon be you!
Also
-Oh, no! We just heard the Dairy Queen location out in Pojoaque has closed. This is tragic because Blizzards slay, DQ was the only place left to get an Orange Julius and, to be honest, it was probably pretty meaningful to a lot of folks who live out that way. We know, we know—it’s a chain. But you get used to things, you know? You can still find a DQ in Pecos, though.
-You’re going to start seeing even more Valentine’s Day menus popping up around our little sphere, Santa Fe. We’ve already seen some of the fine dining type places talkin’ prix fixe this and that. We also saw that Dulce Capital is doing some cool stuff with cakes, and pretty much any bakery anywhere will likely do cookies that work like conversation hearts. We’re a little sad nobody yelled at us for our ASS EATER conversation heart joke from the other day, but that’s cool. Anyway, we’re in February now, so tick-tock. Oh, and don’t tell people you don’t care about V-Day if you actually do. Like, it’s fine to not care about it, but to act like you don’t and then later you’re mad no one did anything is weird. Also, holidays are weird and some of us have a real issue with doing things that are expected of us.
-We’ve been trying to get down to Rustica with a co-worker for so long that we’re now scared it might never happen. The Italian joint from Ranch House owner Josh Baum is reportedly pretty dang good. Obviously we don’t know yet, but we assume the co-worker will read this and then feel as badly about the whole thing as they deserve.
-Meanwhile, Santa Fe’s quest to become a never-ending pizza party continues with Esquina Pizza, a new spot for wood fired pizzas on Guadalupe Street (next to Paloma) which is set to open this week. Friday, Feb. 4, even. They’ve even got an Instagram page going if you wanna be in the know. Look, we’re gonna tell you the same thing we told our mom when we were 10: Yes, we absolutely can eat pizza for every single meal for the rest of our lives. Deal with it!
-Sweet Santa Fe, being a local shop that sells things which are sweet, has small-batch lavender syrup back in stock as of this writing. We hear it’s incredibly popular and sells out fast, and that it’s great in pretty much anything in which you believe lavender would work. We’d probably put it in some whipped cream we were making TO PUT ON OUR FRENCH TOAST!!!! Sorry to yell, it’s just that we had a thought that evolved into something really exciting while we were still thinking it, and we got pumped.
-No word yet on when that Rudy’s BBQ is opening in Santa Fe, but our spies (by which we mean a friend who pays close attention to BBQ stuff) tell us it’s still on, and we could be seeing a grand opening as soon as March—though April might be more likely.
-PSA: It’s normal for some restaurants to close down for maintenance and cleaning and even just to take a break this time of year. We say this because of numerous frantic emails we’ve received from readers. We get that you love that place and we commiserate, but you’ll just have to be patient. As a sub-PSA, sometimes restaurants just close, and that sucks for sure, but, as our dad would say, that’s what you get for existing.
Remember when people thought they were cool and quirky by doing weird things like singing in a Dairy Queen?
More Tidbits
-Reminder that Girl Scout Cookies are out there, but only through April. So hurry. Hurry as fast as you can. We like the Samoas the best, though we’ll eat a Thin Mint should someone hand us one (or send a box to us at the office). We’re just saying, it’s happening and now you’ve been warned.
-While we generally consider USA Today to be a newspaper for people who hate reading (God, then what does that make us?), we did find a recent slideshow thing about foods that help combat climate change to be illuminating. We’ll share it here.
-While we’re not sure what good it’ll do to share news of an NYC eatery with Santa Fe readers (unless you’re from someplace else, in which case we’d love to know where you live), we’re ALL ABOUT amplifying queer voices and businesses. So click this link to meet Hag’s Camily Lindsley and Telly Justice, awesome-sounding people who are bringing a new voice to a certain subsection of diner and restaurant worker. Excelsior!
-Of all the gross things coming to McDonald’s menus soon (including a burger that also has fish and chicken in one effing sandwich), we’re not mad about that hash brown McMuffin. The stuff from the regular McMuffin served between two hash browns patties? Ummmmm, yes.
-Just so you can’t say we didn’t try to not NOT warn you about doing or not doing Valentine’s Day, here’s a thing from the Thrillist-dot-com folks about what’s good in a box of chocolates. We have a hint of our own: If it says Russell Stover on the lid, you’ve blown it already.
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
In this week’s print edition of SFR, our culture editor was walking someplace else entirely when he passed by Pranzo, went in to eat and now he won’t shut up about it ever. Learn more by clicking this-here link.
Number of Letters Received
19
*Y’all LOVE Goldfish. And your moms say that’s OK.
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)
“I really thought, when I saw the subject line, that this would be a whole story of how one of your buddies dared you to eat an actual live goldfish straight outta the fishbowl one time (circa 12 years old maybe), and you did it.”
*Haha! Not a tip, but a glorious reminder that reader Katie A. likely ate a goldfish at some point.
Actually Helpful Tip(s)
“How about revisiting not-so-new eateries. After the two years that weren’t, which ones are still alive?”
*Technically more of a prompt, but we’re with you, Dee M. We’ll see what we can do.
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A ruinous butt,
The Fork
