Every day is some kind of national day around here. Now, by “here” we mean America, land of the something-something, where people must designate holidays for things so that future civilizations which dwell underground following nuclear winter and/or the reapening can look back on our texts and tomes and be like, “Who the shit cared about National Hot Dog Day?” and “What’s the sun?”
Because of this, we thought it might be fun to break down the national food days of this particular week to see what we can see. We have suggestions for some, and we hope everybody who somehow knowingly celebrates this nonsense (who knew ANY of this? Not us!) doesn’t feel like we just persecuted your beliefs calling such days stupid.
What? We didn’t call them stupid? Oh. Well, they are.
Thursday, March 10: National Ranch Dressing Day
We feel like pretty much every other country on Earth would find this gross, because ranch dressing, while delicious, is really just, like, creamy something with something else in it—you know...goo. But we can sometimes be down if we’re dipping pizza bones (that’s what we call pizza crust now) in that ranchy goodness. Naw, but seriously, we’ve never been to Hidden Valley, and our grandma, who has lived all across the world like a champ, says “Ranch is disgusting.” Your call, America. We will say that if you’re done eating ranch, try ordering a side of the balsamic glaze from Pizza Centro next time you get a pie—dipping the pizza bones in there is an amazing thing you might never have done otherwise. You’re welcome!
Friday, March 11: National Eat Your Noodles Day
Good news, parents whose kids only eat buttered noodles! There’s a holiday! We’re going to suggest celebrating at Mampuku Ramen, a glorious place with glorious noodles. Barring that, Fun Noodle Bar exists, but we’ve never heard a kind word about it, not once. That’s kind of why we haven’t been yet, but we’ll get there. Oh, you prefer Italian noodles? Pizzeria Espiritu has an AMAZING fettuccine Alfredo. Deal with it.
Saturday, March 12: National Milky Way Day
Have a Milky Way, we guess? What the fuck is nougat, anyway? We actually know what it is, don’t @us, we’re just saying.
Sunday, March 13: National Chicken Noodle Soup Day
Blast you some Carole King and pray you can find something better than Campbell’s and its Depression-era-quality bullshit. We’d love to give you a recipe for chicken noodle soup, but everyone made it clear that you hate us and our recipes, so...womp-womp (or “you blew it” sound effect from The Price is Right).
Monday, March 14: National Potato Chip Day
Did you know Santa Fe Bite makes its own potato chips? And that you can generally get a couple of bags of Boulder brand kettle chips pretty cheap at Sprouts? Did you know that Lays are for nerds, and Ruffles are for ultra-nerds? Still, if we have to celebrate a day (and we’re pretty sure observing these national food days is indeed the law), we could do worse.
Tuesday, March 15: National Peanut Lovers’ Day
In your face, people with allergies! Naw, just kidding, we know it’s very serious. We would, however, point out that Skippy rules the land while grocery store peanut butter with the whole oil thing is pretty gross. Sorry, natural food lovers. We’re sure we’ll get emails. We just know we will. We like honey roasted peanuts, too. Does that count? What about Thai food? There’s peanuts in there. Have you been to Bo’s Authentic Thai? It’s pretty amazing.
Wednesday, March 16: National Artichoke Heart Day
Oh, this one we can get behind, but unless you’re a seasoned pro who doesn’t want to get their hand sliced open trying to remove all that artichoke fur, can we recommend buying the hearts already...uh, hearted? We like steaming an artichoke...maybe a little salt and melted butter? We fully believe the chunkiest of all edible flowers is flavorful enough on its own. Anyway, we got two organic artichokes for like $3 at Sprouts. Sorry to talk about Sprouts so much this week, we were just there and it’s on our mind grapes.
There. Done. Forked. You learned about holidays, we got to crack wise—you learning and us cracking wise is pretty much what we’re looking to do here. End of list. The end. Fin. Finito. Over. Bye. Jeeze.
IT’S SO NICE!!!!!
Also
-You might have heard it here first when we reported the rumor, but the nerds at the Santa Fe New Mexican went out and got the story like real journalists—Beer Creek Brewing is indeed opening a location inside city limits. Good news for pizza and beer fans, that’s for sure.
-We can’t remember if we told you this, but even if we did, it bears repeating: Second Street Brewery is now offering fish and chips at its Rufina Street location. That’s a big-ass and awesome deal. We love those fish and chips because they taste like this little hole-in-the-wall place where we’d get ‘em in England when we were there. Probably the beer batter. Way to go, SSB!
-Santa Fe’s Who I Am Foundation is still offering free warm meals to folks in need. You’ll find them out there on Thursdays from 5-6:30 pm, usually. They also accept volunteers, so if you’ve been looking to do some giving back, this is a great way.
-Website Urban Footprint has an interesting new map tool for tracking food insecurity in the state. New Mexico isn’t doing so great on things like making sure all our kids have enough to eat. Learn more and see the map for our state (and others) by following this link.
-Dashing Delivery founder Justin Greene announced he’s running for Santa Fe Country Commissioner in District 1. Just so you know. What does a County Commissioner do? They commish, we believe. Shut up! We only know about food! AND WE BARELY KNOW ABOUT THAT!
This is ... about cars that race while also eating, and one of the cars prefers to just eat a Milky Way while the other struggles with an eating disorder, leading to its ultimate death. It’s so damn weird. But we kind of love it. #Dinnertown
More Tidbits
-USA Today believes it has searched out the best cheese curds in the world. We don’t know how you’d even begin to quantify that, but they surely tried.
-Curious about how the fast food chains are working it out over there in Russia now that Putin has basically decided he’s OK with the world burning? Yahoo! Finance has more on that. Why should you care, exactly? Well, when these chains operate overseas, like in Russia, they’re contributing to taxes and such. It’s complicated, but things in the world are weird right now.
-You might also be interested to learn that Stolichnaya Vodka, in an effort to distance itself from Russian associations, will rebrand as Stoli, and people should be compensated for coming up with that name. Like, it’s just what people call it, so anyone who wants it should get a free bottle.
-Lastly in not-just-local news, we actually liked a Buzzfeed piece, specifically one about someone who has traveled the globe and narrowed down the most delicious cities to a mere 17. How does that work? Find out here.
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
No food coverage this week as it was preempted by the news of Santa Fe musician Chris Abeyta’s death. This is a tough one for Santa Fe, and we wish Chris’s family and friends all the best. Our editor spoke with some people about Abeyta, too.
Number of Letters Received
26
*You just drop right off, huh?
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)
“What’s up with the crossword?”
*We got two emails about crosswords this week, which is weird because we don’t run one in The Fork...
Actually Helpful Tip(s)
Y’all didn’t help with anything!
*But that’s OK, because the world is grim.
Nationally observed,
The Fork
PS: Who amongst our readers do we love the most?
