Aaaaaaaaaand we’re back, fresh from whatever it was we were doing and ready to get right into the cherry of it all. Yeah, it’s cherry season, Fork Frenz (TM), and that annual four-ish months of stone fruit goodness is the kind of thing we look forward to basically always. Part of that’s because cherries taste good, but the other part is that we’ve developed a satisfying way of eating them (and when we’re not eating them in our super-satisfying secret way, we’re chopping them up and smothering them in yogurt, because duh).
Anyway, as regular readers will likely know, when we get into certain times of the year, we get into TOTALLY ACCURATE AND IN NO WAY JOKEY HISTORY/FACTS LESSONS—so let’s, umm, do that...now.
Cherry season generally runs from early June (that’s now-ish if you view time like we do, as a flat circle through which we’ve always traveled and always will travel and we’re always going to have been doing that), and runs through August-ish, but did you know there are even peaks and valleys within that short timeframe?
It’s believed that cherries originated in Asia Minor at some point, and that their propagation throughout the world started with birds. Thanks, birds! Anyway, people liked them, too, so we figure some kind of Marco Polo looking-ass merchant sailed them across the seas and traded them for spices and silks and stuff.
Your average cherry tree has something like 7,000 of them bad boys growing upon its boughs and such. An average cherry consumption event at Chateau Le Fork (aka the Forktress of Solitude) is roughly of similar scope. Anyway, we hear that mechanical tree shakers can fully harvest a tree in under 10 seconds—which, believe it or not, is the average length of a Fork-sponsored cherry consumption event.
Bees pollinate cherry trees more than other bugs and birds, too, which is another reason to care about those fuzzy little bastards.
You’ll find sweet cherries and tart cherries out there, and some are good for pies while others are better to absent-mindedly eat until you’ve gone through a whole bag during a movie and think to yourself how it’s time to get it together already. Anyway, the one you probably know is called Bing, but you’ve surely had Rainier Cherries (there’s a Rilke joke in there, but we’re not gonna find it) and maybe Morellos. Maraschino cherries hail from Italy and the region formerly known as Yugoslavia, and lord knows you’ve plopped some in a Roy Rogers or Shirley Temple.
People tend to think that Washington or California are the cherry-ing-est states around, but you’ll actually find more cherries produced in Michigan—home of Tim Allen, we think (at least that’s where he lived on Home Improvement). Anyway, the cherry capital of the freaking world is in Traverse City, Michigan, where you’ll find something like 4 million trees producing up to 200 million cherries per anum.
We bet there’s more to know, but this is already getting long.
Instead of continuing, here are some links to making your own cherry wine, an easy cherry tart and, in case you’d somehow forgotten, a delicious be-cherried pineapple upside-down cake from the pastry chef at Santa Fe’s Paloma restaurant.
We PROMISE you’ve never heard this song about how cherry wine will eff you up but you’ll never get what you want from the dang stuff.
Also
-Thanks to the Jamie in the Santa Fe Foodies Facebook group, who posted a photo of an ancient SFR Guide to Fine Dining from all the eff way back in 1984. Here, we’ll show you:
brianna@sfreporter.com
brianna@sfreporter.com
We like how a lot of those places still exist—and that SFR has obviously been making lists of places since before the dawn of time.
-If you hadn’t heard, Rio Chama Steakhouse is changing its hours due to supply chain issues, staff shortages and so on. You’ll find it open 3-9 pm daily, and also 11 am-2:30 pm for brunch on Sundays. Plan accordingly. Be patient and kind.
-Hidden Mountain (née Blue Corn Brewery) is also changing up its hours based on the same criteria. For now, find ‘em open 11 am-10 pm Mondays, 3pm-10 pm Tuesday and Wednesday and 11 am-10 pm Thursday-Sunday.
-Apropos of food that tastes good, we accompanied our editor to Palace Prime the other night, where former Arroyo Vino sous chef Doug Hesselgesser has taken over the big cheffin’ job. It was INCREDIBLE, and our editor will have a full review up in a week or so. We know times are tough and fine dining isn’t easy for everyone, but if you’re ever in the market to splurge, we cannot recommend it enough.
OBVIOUSLY.
More Tidbits
-Do you even care about Iron Chef, bruh? If so, you might wanna follow this link, which explains some big changes coming to the Netflix version of that show that takes something as gloriously about togetherness as food and turns it into a bunch of melodramatic nonsense.
-YES! Saveur-dot-com is joining the rest of the world in touting the work of Indigenous chefs. Find here the takes of four such chefs who are teaching the world a thing or two about Native cuisine.
-As much as we hate sharing something from Fawx (we refuse to even spell the name right), you might wanna know that pet food brand Freshpet is voluntarily recalling dog food in more than a dozen states for fear of salmonella.
-Pop Sugar-dot-com has some news for you about incoming Trader Joe’s items you might like to sample, including Ube spread and watermelon sticks dipped in chocolate. We weren’t sure about that second one, but we’ve thought about it and are actually super-down. Watermelon forever!!!
-Lastly in not just local news, KFC has new sporks, and these ones fit in the end of your fingers. We don’t hate this idea, but we do have to wonder why, at this point in human history, anyone thinks they’re going to come up with some new way of eating that makes it better or whatever. What’s that? It’s just fun and that’s OK? Alright, word. It’s just fun. And that’s OK.
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
In this week’s print edition of SFR, learn what a water sommelier does (though, we think, you can likely work it out using your context clues) and why lithium water is THE BEST.
Number of Letters Received
23
*Y’all sound DRUUUUUUUNK...
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)
“I don’t drink, so cocktail recipes are useless to me.”
*Cool. Umm...are...did...we’re just curious if, in your experience, every written thing out there is applicable to you alone, or...?
Actually Helpful Tip(s)
Alright, alright—maybe (MAYBE) we’re coming around to grilled pizzas. Maybe.
*Those grilled pizza pics y’all sent are GORGE!
So pitted,
The Fork
SNEAK VIDEO ATTACK!!!!
