Having found an absolutely bonkers gorgeous bunch of Brussels sprouts at Natural Grocers last weekend, we’ve been majorly in the Brussels sprouts mood. Oh, sure—they smell so terrible when you’re making them, and then your house becomes a nightmarish olfactory cacophony of farts for the next couple days, but there are so many great ways to eat the things (we like steaming and seasoning, then throwing them in mushroom soup or mashed potatoes or both) that we’ve just been thinking about those little guys so much...and you know what that means! A TOTALLY REAL AND IN NO WAY JOKEY HISTORY/FACT LESSON ON THE MIGHTY BRUSSELS SPROUT!
Hold up, we just learned there could be a genetic component to whether you like eating Brussels sprouts. We’re skeptical since we hated them as a kid but love them now as an old. Word is that everything hinges on gene TAS2R38, which dictates whether we can taste the chemical PTC. Now, that thing isn’t in everything we eat, but it is in Brussels sprouts. Now you know!
Those weird things grow on a stalk, and it looks weird if you see it. But the weirder thing is that if you chop open that stalk and scoop out its innards and then prepare them like mashed potatoes, it tastes weirdly good. Now, we didn’t read that thing about eating the inside of the stalk, we just learned that through experimenting.
The largest American producers of Brussels sprouts hail from California, New York and Washington, but all together, America grows something like 32,000 tons of them sprouts per year.
Speaking of tonnage, when you’re farting out roughly 32,000 tons of sprout farts, know that it’s because of the compound glucosinolate sinigrin—which is found in Brussels sprouts and contains sulfur. Woah. That explains so much.
If’n you eat a cup of Brussels sprouts, you’ve already consumed nearly twice the daily recommended amount of Vitamin K, which is Vitamin Kool, in case you didn’t know, ya buncha Vitamin Kooks.
Even better? A cup of Brussels sprouts clocks in at just about 26 calories. Now, we’re rubbish at math, but someone explained to us that a cup of them sprouts is roughly five or six of them, even if we did read about a couple who grew a 9-foot Brussels sprout.
This will shock no one (or, at least, it shouldn’t), but Brussels sprouts are totally named for the Belgian city of Sproutendocken. Just kidding, they’re named after Brussels, which is also where Jean Claude Van Damme hails from. That’s why we call him the Muscles from Brussels, duh. Also, Time Cop is better than you think it is. There’s a mall and, like, time travel and then a hospital and ‘90s beards. It’s wild. Anyway, it was reportedly the French of all people who coined the name, though we’re shocked they didn’t call them, like, Marquis de Sade sprouts or, like, Mirabeau sprouts. Think they chop ‘em off the stalk with a guillotine? Just kidding, though the French are surely rude. One time, in France, a guy walking in front of us dropped his wallet, and when we said, “Excusemoi, monsieur,” he cut us off with, “I don’t know where are the hamburgers.” God!
It was also the French who do-you-hear-the-people-sing’d Brussels sprouts into America for the first time via the port of New Orleans in the 18th century. “Sacre bleu,” they likely shrieked as they hurled the mini cabbages into the mouths and hearts of everyone and anyone within range. “Zut alors!”
We usually steam our Brussels sprouts, which, we’re told, is a good thing, because doing so somehow causes a chemical reaction that ups their cholesterol-lowering-ness. Add a little salt and butter post-steam? So good. Although now that we think of it, buttering them sprouts might cancel out the cholesterol-lowering goodness.
The world record for eating Brussels sprouts dates back to 2008, when one Linus Ubranec downed 31 in just one minute. The way we hear it, he pretty much swallowed them whole, which you’d have to, just...that sounds intense as hell.
So how do you like Brussels sprouts?
The video you never knew you needed.
Also
-Reminder that the new downtown Tumbleroot outpost, dubbed Tumbleroot Pottery Pub, opens on Saturday, Feb. 18. There you’ll find a combo of pottery and pub action, so you know it’s a good name. They’ll be having an opening party from 11 am-9 pm that day, so you’ll have plenty of time to stop by.
-You ever hear about the New Mexico ProStart program from the New Mexico Restaurant Association? In short, it’s a two-year thing wherein high school students can learn culinary and management skills for a career in foodservice, and the annual ProStart Invitational competition is coming up in ABQ on Feb. 27. Featuring young food fans from around New Mexico, the winners will go on to rep the state in Washington, DC for the national competition. You can learn even more right here. Yeah, the NMRA has all kinds of cool food initiatives, like the Hungry For Success employment campaign, which kicked off to combat diners who whine about how there are fewer employees in restaurants now. We like how they’re a food org and they used the term “hungry.”
-Word on the street (by which we mean an email our boss sent us) is that Rosewood Inn of the Anasazi has partnered with champagne (with a lower-case c) producer Louis Roederer to start offering the kinds of champagne choices you won’t find anyplace else. Ooh, la la!
-Last reminder that Santa Fe Restaurant week starts Feb. 20, and there are, like, nearly 30 restaurants on board doing all kinds of cool deals with food.
-As Billy Bragg would say, Valentine’s Day is over. Did you do something food-related? What was it? Did you go to a restaurant? Did you make a reservation? Did they offer you strawberries and cream? Some kind of heart-shaped cookie crap? Did you buy them a Lord Huggington stuffed bear? A new piece for that charm bracelet they hate but are too afraid to say so? Did you kneel at the altar of Russell Fucking Stover and dole out your corporate-mandated love gestures as per the schedule designed for you by some monster in a suit a thousand years ago? DID YOU? DID YOU FEEL THE PRESSURE BUILDING UP WITHIN YOU LIKE SOME SORT OF STOMACH ACID OLD FAITHFUL WHILE YOU GULPED IN PENSIVE TERROR OVER THE THOUGHT THEY MIGHT NOT LIKE WHATEVER HALLMARK BULLSHIT YOU TROTTED OUT FOR THEM NOT BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO BUT BECAUSE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO? DID YOU FEEL THE PAIN IN KNOWING THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SHOW UP, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, IT’S ALL FOR NAUGHT IF YOU DON’T HIT ‘EM WITH SOME DUMBASS CARD ON THAT ONE SPECIFIC DAY? Good for you, little buddies. Good for you.
-The Santa Fe Film Festival is coming up this week (learn more here), and someone emailed us info about a short they’re playing called The Last Delivery, which has something to do with a delivery—we don’t know, we didn’t watch it because the internet went down at work for hours. Anyway, be aware it’s in the fest and the fest is soon.
All you fascists are bound to lose.
SHOUT-OUT FROM A READER!
Again, not a shout-out per se, but reader Hilary B. sent the BEST-ever thing about entering the term BAGuette (which, if you forgot that we mentioned it last week, is a bag from Panera meant for holding sandwiches) into ChapGPT, the AI word-generating thing that you’ve probably read about in the news. We had to share the results with you, because they’re rich as hell:
The Prompt: Give me a list of bullet points about why anyone needs a purse that holds a submarine sandwich
The words:
Here are some reasons why someone might want a purse that can hold a submarine sandwich:
- Convenience: With a sandwich-holding purse, you can carry both your lunch and your personal belongings in one convenient location, without having to worry about keeping them separate or finding somewhere to store your food.
- Food freshness: Having a specialized purse for carrying your sandwich can help keep it fresh and protected from crushing or being squished by other items in your bag.
- Style: A sandwich-holding purse can be a fun and unique accessory that sets you apart and shows off your personality.
- Practicality: For those who are always on the go, a sandwich-holding purse can be a practical solution for keeping their lunch close and accessible.
- Eco-friendliness: Carrying a sandwich in a dedicated purse can help reduce the use of single-use packaging materials, such as plastic bags or disposable containers, which can be better for the environment.
- Cost savings: By bringing your lunch with you in a sandwich-holding purse, you can save money by not having to purchase food while out and about.
We love this weird word robot so much, even if it does threaten professional writers such as ourselves (and we use the term “professional” so freaking loosely). Thanks, Hilary—you made our dang millennium!
More Tidbits
-Cardi B and Offset (being musician/rappers who are likely to make some of our older readers be mad because music has changed since Perry Como) are apparently all about McDonald’s date nights in a very real and not sponsored way, and the meal they like to eat is now apparently available for people to specifically order. That was a real nice society we had once, but this is clearly a sign that we’re all doomed, right?
-In related news, Food & Wine-dot-com reports that reddit users have declared McDonald’s the second worst place for a date in the whole dang world. Turns out seeing a movie is number one. (We know, you think that’s a good date thing—but how do you talk to someone you’re just getting to know if you’re at a movie?) Tough blow for Offset and Cardi B, they said briefly forgetting those people have so much money and don’t ACTUALLY go to McDonald’s, probably.
-The Mars Wrigley corporation (makers of M&Ms among other things) has been fined $14,500 after some employees Augusts Gloop’d themselves into a vat of chocolate in a Pennsylvania factory. Do you think Mars Von Wrigleyington himself came to the factory twirling his mustache? Do you think he forced the workers who didn’t fall into the vat to take a terrifying boat ride into the tunnel of creepo snake imagery? In summation, we hope that those of you who got this joke liked it; we hope if you didn’t that you’re gonna be OK. In reality, we take worker safety very seriously and sincerely hope they’re OK. We also feel like a measly fine like that reads toothlessly.
-You still reading this? This one’s long this week, we know. We just were so psyched to learn more about Brussels sprouts. If you stick with it, we promise to make the next item a good one—one you can really use; one that matters to you; one that’ll not only help you, but actively make you excited.
-Girl Scout Cookie sales start Feb. 27, and if we don’t get some Samoas we’re going to freak out and start karate chopping everyone.
-See? Now you know that thing about those cookies. It was worth it to stick around, huh? What’s that, you’re thinking? That The Fork is not your only source of news and you could have easily worked out the GSC thing on your own? You’re not wrong, but we’re more fun. Wait, what? More whiny? You think we’re more whiny? Hey! We—aw, you’re right. Anyway, we’ll shut up now.
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
In the print edition of SFR this week, learn about why a private chef is not beyond your grasp.
Number of Letters Received
36
*OK, this getting 36 so much is nuts!
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)
“You are annoyed by people who do all sorts of common things. I am annoyed by people who cannot call food items by their full names. The British do it all the time. Referring to greens and such as ‘veg’ is the most irritating. Calling a breakfast burrito a ‘brekkie b’ is right up there.”
*We’ll tell you what we told this reader, which is that while we take feedback seriously, we will NEVER stop saying ‘brekkie b.’
Actually Helpful Tip(s)
Turns out we can get tim-tam cookies right here in town at World Market. Gasp!
*All aboard the tim-tim train!
Propelled by Brussels sprout farts,
The Fork
