We’ve learned some alarming things from Le Forkette about getting enough protein and iron (and the ways those things are better absorbed into our bodies) and have come to realize that our plan to just eat vegetarian quesadillas and burritos for the rest of our life might not be a great one. Turns out your body needs all kinds of nutrients and minerals and shit, and we’re not getting any of them from the ice cream sandwiches, either.
But, see, here’s the thing: We haven’t eaten meat in so long we’re scared. And we’ll likely never have the wherewithal to eat beef again (cows are too cute) or pork (pigs are too smart), and though we have the occasional piece of fish (doctor’s orders), we’ve been craving chicken.
A lot of it has to do with Horno Restaurant in Santa Fe posting this amazing photo on Facebook of fried chicken and buttermilk biscuits and rhubarb toaster pastries (they look like Pop Tarts, but we’re not sure what to call them; here’s a link to the Facebook page where you can see what we’re talkin’ about). Because of this and other reasons, we’re thinking of getting back in the chicken-eating game, and while we understand we brought this whole thing up out of some weird health concern—and further understand fried chicken is likely not the answer—we also feel guilty about it. No need for the carnivores to come at us with steak information, or to make jokes about how we’re effeminate because we don’t eat meat (which are, like, SOOOO BRILLIANT, though...on Opposite Day), but as we consider dipping our toe back into the pool of eating a chicken breast every so often, we also started to worry about getting sick.
As such, we figured we might have readers who feel the same way, so we’ve conducted a little research about what we might expect if we re-introduce some meat into our diets, and it really comes down to a few things:
-Can we overcome guilt?
-Are we getting the right nutrition?
-Are we gonna be sick?
We read someplace that more than 80% of people who go vegan wind up going back (shoutout to our buds who’ve kept it going for ages!), and that while some people can do it, others likely can’t. The makeup of their bodies and guts and stuff just require a level of iron and protein they’re not getting from eating quesadillas and burritos for the rest of their lives. If they’re not eating meat for political or ethical reasons, that gets more complicated, too. Whether you can overcome the guilt is your own thing—we’re still grappling with it, and we haven’t even had the fried chicken yet.
To answer the second question, we’re likely not getting the right level of nutrition. It’s why we eat fish sometimes following doc advice, it’s why we haven’t slept well since 1997, it’s why we’re tired most of the time and drink so much coffee that the people in our lives are like, “Are you OK, The Fork?” We’ve tried supplements and vitamins, and while we’re all like, “More power to you!” toward the folks for whom they work, it did nothing for us.
Lastly, we do worry that if’n we have even a little bit of meat, it’ll be stomach ache city. In our research, we’ve discovered that chicken prepared with a light touch (as in not drenched in oils, certainly not fried) and served in smaller portions is the way to go. We’d probably throw it on a salad or something. Maybe just a couple little bites.
We haven’t decided anything yet, though, and it hurts us to think of cute chickens getting the axe. Still, though, at what point do we go from feeling sickly most of the time? What about you, dear readers? Have you given up and subsequently returned to meat? Would you never do that? Let us know.
Beck got a job making money for the band, throwing chicken in a bucket with a soda pop can. (Click for song!)
Also
-Word on the street is that Rudy’s Country Store and Bar-B-Q is hoping to open by May 16 in Santa Fe. We think if you like BBQ, you might wanna check out Uncle DT’s Smokehouse. Just saying. It’s local. That’s all we’re saying.
-Oh, hello, new tea business called Upland Teahouse, with your teas sourced from tea estates in South Africa (whatever that means...actually don’t tell us, we used our context clues). We hear you’ll be doing pop-ups and such soon. And that you mainly do e-commerce for now. We should visit your Facebook page to learn more.
-Oh. Our. God. Seems Horseman’s Haven, home of the chile with which every local must at some point contend, is planning to open up for night service in May. The restaurant’s staff hasn’t announced an exact date, but we can reportedly expect this thrilling dinnertime excellence Wednesday through Saturday evenings once they do get rolling.
-Lastly in local news this week, we hear the Santa Fe Pizza Gallery plans to kick off some cooking classes for cids. Oh, sorry, we meant “kids,” the whole C thing just kind of took over. Anyway, They’re soliciting opinions on the matter over on their Facebook page. Seems it’s getting harder and harder to not just do Facebook these days, especially now that Elon Musk is buying Twitter. Anyway, get off our lawn, youths!
If you thought those M&M kids from a few Forks ago were horrifying, good luck un-seeing blurry 1969 Col. Sanders, complete with eyes you can’t quite make out and the families he’d kidnapped being force-fed KFC in the background. Sleep well, everybody! (This is a video link, we’re not sure why the red arrow thing didn’t show up).
More Tidbits
-What do you know about kohlrabi? Is it nothing? It might be nothing. Don’t worry, though, because you can learn more through this link (including that it’s a vegetable), like how to cook it and where it should go in your food(s).
-We can’t remember if we mentioned Taco Bell was bringing back its Mexican pizza, though we feel like we probably did, and even if we already did (can we say “did” some more?), we know we did (oh, nailed it) not mention that the rapper/singer Doja Cat might be responsible for its return. Learn more here.
And if you didn’t know, Doja Cat is a goddamn national treasure. (This is also a video link, and we’re still not sure why the red arrow thing didn’t show up).
-Lastly in not-just-local news, seems Tropicana brand orange juice has created a cereal made specifically for orange juice and named it Tropicana Crunch. So, like, you pour OJ on the granola-based cereal instead of milk. We think this is actually a pretty awesome idea, but we hear it’s a limited run (unless maybe Doja Cat gets involved).
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
This week’s print edition of SFR gets into ways Modern General is hoping to help folks break up with plastic in the more food-involved aspects of their lives.
Number of Letters Received
12
*AND MOST WERE AUTO-REPLIES! What, you hate butter?!
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)
*This space left intentionally blank
Actually Helpful Tip(s)
*This space left intentionally blank, too, like you blanked out our hearts with neglect!
We’re also a fraidy cat,
The Fork
