My inbox over here at the Reporter office has been full of interesting books lately. I was particularly interested to discover
The Connoisseur's Guide to Sushi
(Harvard Common, paper, $14), a book by Dave Lowry that contains, quite literally, "everything you need to know about sushi."
I've spent a few days reading this book only to realize that I don't give a flying…er,
fish
about "everything there is to know about sushi." I'm having a hard time caring about the names of all the different kinds of crab that I'll probably never see on a menu in Santa Fe or anywhere else. This is probably for the same reason I don't care how satellite TV works. As long as the new episode of
Taxicab Confessions
is coming through loud and clear, the details of how it got there are completely irrelevant.
I know there are sushi newbies out there who could potentially be lured deeper into the marvelous, delicious world of sushi-but probably not by this book. Indeed,
The Connoisseur's Guide to Sushi
is aptly titled. It is definitely not a guide for mere mortals. The book's total lack of illustration (except for the pretty photographs on the cover) and exceptional level of detail orient it toward, you know, connoisseurs. In fact, it will have particular appeal to annoying know-it-alls who love to pepper their conversations with esoteric facts they think make them sound smart but really just make them sound like...annoying know-it-alls.
Here's a quote from the entry on aji, aka horse mackerel: "During the Heian era, women wore [their hair] long and straight, pulled back, all the way down to their hips. Later on, the bouffant coiffures of the sort we associate with the geisha came into vogue, in part because they showed off the nape of a woman's neck. Want an obscure word in Japanese to add to your vocabulary? Try
tabo
. It means the bundle of hair at the nape of a woman's neck." The author continues with a long, detailed exposition all about the Japanese word for the right way to wear a kimono and the history of the Japanese character for horse mackerel and SldflksdjvSLDFkjs...........Oh! I'm sorry. I think I fell asleep there for a minute.
Lowry's goal with this book is an ostensibly admirable one. He believes that people are intimidated by sushi because they don't know what the many (many, many) kinds of fish are, let alone how to pronounce their names properly. In the introduction, he writes of sushi chefs looking down on first-timers with "that sort of withering condescension reserved for, say, those who at a Sotheby's auction wonder aloud when the poker-playing pooch portraits go on the block." What Lowry is getting at with his excessive alliteration: The best way to outclass snobby sushi chefs is to give yourself some superior schooling on the subject.
So, if you're planning a visit to Tokyo, then yes, you'd better brush up. For the rest of us, ignorance is probably bliss. How many Santa Fe sushi chefs take after
Seinfeld
's Soup Nazi? Probably none. Waitresses will help you. Sushi chefs will eagerly chat with you over the counter. You'll be fine.
This is how I would persuade someone to learn more about sushi: Do you remember life before cable, before satellite TV? There was one show on every night and the whole country watched it, no matter how sucky it was. Remember
Three's Company
? Every week nosy Mr. Roper would almost out Jack as a stiff-wristed wannabe breeder while Janet overheard and misconstrued a telephone conversation, and somehow Chrissy always ended up being chased around the couch by a creepy groper in a plaid sport coat.
Back then we ate tuna casserole and thought it was super. We huddled on the couch for
Love Boat
and loved it. Turn on Nick at Night sometime and watch an episode of
Love Boat
. I promise you'd rather trim a Rottweiler's toenails with your teeth than suffer through an hour of that insipid pap.
But things have changed. Look here! There are conjoined twins being separated at the skull on Discovery Health Channel; next, an Indian indie film fest on Sundance. Later there are reruns of
Deadwood
, a show that boasts more f#@%$-per-minute than
Straight Outta Compton
. You'll never know why it was nominated for 11 Emmys and two Golden Globes unless you watch.
So follow me as I beat this analogy to the texture of wasabi paste-there is a whole world of sushi out there just waiting for you.
Now I'm no sushi expert, but I sure like the stuff and I think the best way to learn more about it is simply to go to a sushi restaurant. Order 10 random things from the menu and try them all. I plan to do this next week with my new friend Emily, an adventurous soul who has yet to be eye to eye with flying fish roe. I'm sure she'll agree that the most important things you need to know about sushi can be gleaned from eating it, not reading about it.
However, if you still want to read 287 pages on the subtle textural distinctions between different kinds of fish, go ahead. You can tell me all about it while I watch
Deadwood
and drink just enough bourbon to feign interest and immediately forget every f#@%$-ing thing you're saying.
Tell me where to eat! I need your input. Send all of your tips, gripes and raves to
.
