We have so many reasons to go to the movies. Of course, there’s the whole connecting-as-humans angle; the artistry; the bombastic fun; the means to contend with the boredoms; or even just to find a nice cool place to hunker down while the hot, hot heat burns the streets. Thus, and as has become tradition in SFR’s annual Summer Guide, here we break down some of the biggest films slated to drop in the coming months. As always, dates are subject to change and you should really check with theaters before you go all the way over there.
The Phoenician Scheme
May 30, PG-13
President of twee Wes Anderson reunites with his regular performers like Willem Dafoe, Jeffrey Wright and Tom Hanks, plus Michael Cera and Benicio Del Toro, for this new one about a family and their business. Expect pastels and people who all talk exactly the same despite their varying motivations. Likely, Owen Wilson or Luke Wilson or both will appear.
Bring Her Back
May 30, R
Australian nouveau horror directors/brothers Danny and Michael Philippou ride the wave from their 2022 film Talk to Me by dropping Bring Her Back, a sibling-focused scare-a-thon based around a creepy ritual conducted at a foster mother’s place. The Philippou bros tapped Shape of Water star Sally Hawkins for this one, and it’s an A24 thing, so prepare for your baristas and “screenwriter” friends to tell you why it’s brilliant this summer.
Dogma Resurrected
June 5, R
Mallrats auteur Kevin Smith re-releases his most-like-an-actual-movie movie to celebrate its 25th anniversary. In this one, angels and demons played by Ben Afflek and Matt Damon and Jason Lee and Chris Rock and Salma Hayek vie for the fate of all humans in some sort of cosmic game. It’s funny, too, because Alan Rickman is in it and rules (RIP!).
From the World of John Wick: Ballerina
June 6, R
If you’d told us 20 years ago that we’d all be psyched as hell to see a film about Keanu Reeves avenging his dead dog by blasting any fools within his reach, we’d have been like, “Make Bill & Ted 3!” But now that we’ve seen that Bill & Ted and it sucked, it’s nice to know the John Wick series rules so hard. In this first offshoot, Ana de Armas plays Eve, a ballerina/assassin who will very likely pas de deux some dudes and dudettes and such to their deaths with brutal-ass action-y efficiency. And it will rule.
Dangerous Animals
June 6, R
With big-name stars like Hassie Harrison, Jai Courtney and Josh Heutson (haha! Just kidding—no one knows who those people are), this thriller flick finds an insufferable surfer abducted by a serial killer whose weapon of choice is sharks. Will she become chum, or will she fin (boom) a way out?
How to Train Your Dragon (Live Action)
June 13, PG
Despite being a writer and director for the actually pretty fun CGI films of the same name, filmmaker Dean DeBlois insists upon unleashing a slightly different version of the popular kids’ series in live action form. As long as that main dragon still resembles a cat, that’s alright by us. Still, DeBlois and company sure aren’t helping anyone who longs for new movies rather than sequels or redos. Maybe we’ll just go see Dangerous Animals instead.
28 Years Later
June 20, not-yet-rated (but likely R)
Trainspotting and 28 Days Later and (ugh) Yesterday director Danny Boyle reunites with writer Alex Garland (did you ever play that bitchin’ video game Enslaved: Odyssey to the West? He wrote that) to the zombie universe that we all totally loved 23 years ago. This time, actors like Ralph Fiennes and Aaron Taylor-Johnson are island-dwelling post-zombie survivors who head to the mainland where it’s wild and crazy and probably zombies still zomb-out all over the mother-zombie-ing place. We know that sounded sarcastic, but we’re excited for this one for sure, not least of which because zombies.
M3GAN 2.0
June 27, not-yet-rated (but likely R)
We can’t help but call it “Muh-threegan,” but not even that can stop this horror/sci-fi sequel wherein an AI doll totally kills people all the time. Wait, hang on while we check our notes. OK, actually, this is about retasking the killer AI doll from the first Muh-threegan to stop a different AI doll created by a defense contractor/madman. If it’s self-aware, this could rule. If it’s not? Well, then that’s just kind of sad. We’d tell you some cast names, too, but we don’t know who any of these people on the IMDb page are, so…forget it. The main point is, this sounds like the stupidest movie, but it might be worth it to start smoking weed again just to go see this high.
Jurassic World Rebirth
July 2, PG-13
Scarlett Johansson and Rupert Friend enter the Jurassic fracas to remind us all that Spielberg’s raptors-in-the-kitchen scene from Jurassic Park is better than every
single filmic thing in that universe that came after. This time, dino DNA might prove helpful in the production of a medical miracle, if only people would learn to stop fucking with the dinosaurs BECAUSE IT NEVER GOES ACCORDING TO PLAN IN THE 30 FREAKING YEARS THEY HAVE BEEN BACK ALIVE! Stupid. It will be a stupid movie, but life, uh, finds a way. There. We did that joke. Are you happy now? Doing that joke is the law, so we did it. You’re welcome.
Superman
July 11, PG-13
James Gunn finally stretches his wings over at DC after years at Marvel with another take on Superman that will likely have all of Gunn’s cutesy Guardians of the Galaxy-style writing. OK, we actually really liked Peacemaker, so maybe there’s hope for this? We’re not even going to look up a plot, because it’ll just be a word salad of hero and villain names and something about how the world is gonna end.
Eddington
July 18, not-yet-rated (but probably R)
Certified bummer Joaquin Phoenix and certified super-hunk Pedro Pascal join forces with director Ari Aster (Midsommar, Hereditary) for Eddington, the tense tale of a cop and a mayor at odds in Eddington, New Mexico. Aster went to college in Santa Fe, so he probably at least knows a thing or two about New Mexico. Emma Stone is in it, too.
Happy Gilmore 2
July 25, not-yet-rated (likely PG-13 or whatever the Netflix iteration of ratings might be)
We don’t even care that this is a Netflix-only release, we’re gon’sta watch the long-awaited Adam Sandler sequel about hockey slapshotter-turned PGA champ Happy Gilmore. The whole-ass original cast is back (minus Carl Weathers and Frances Bay, RIP), and despite IMDb not having plot info, we can assume Happy has to golf again because someone needs money or something. And if you’re reading this Julie Bowen, you can call us anytime. You can call us at night.
Together
Aug. 1, R
Real-life married couple Alison Brie and Dave Franco play a married couple who ridiculously decide that moving to the country will totally solve how shitty their relationship has become. Ruh-roh, though, because there’s ghosts out there in whatever rural backwater in which they decide they’re gonna open a fucking B&B or some shit. Dang! Got ‘em!
The Naked Gun
Aug. 1, PG-13
Liam Neeson takes over the iconic franchise from Leslie Nielsen (RIP, you absolute genius) for a parody-a-thon that’ll likely make people of a certain age launch into diatribes about Airplane!. In the new installment, Neeson plays Frank Drebin Jr., and likely jokes ensue. Did you ever see National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1? So good. Emilio Estevez and Samuel L Jackon? What a team! What were we talking about? Aw, who cares. Liam Neeson’s in a movie is the gist, and Pamela Anderson, too.
Weapons
Aug. 8, R
Every dang kid from a school class in some podunk town disappears except for one, so naturally everyone is kind of freaked out about that. This one stars Julia “Ozarks” Garland and Toby “Artie, the strongest man in the world!” Huss. It sounds OK, we’re just big Pete & Pete fans, so maybe that’s reason enough to check it.
Nobody 2
Aug. 15, R
Bob Odenkirk returns for his own little John Wick-lite with Nobody 2, the story of some schmuck (who maybe used to be an assassin) pushed too far. We’re here for it, honestly, and never thought we’d see the Mr. Show guy kicking ass on the level of the first one, so bring on the sequel! We heard Odenkirk was in some other shows, too, but we don’t know what they were and we’re mainly here for the ass-kicking.
Caught Stealing
Aug. 29, not-yet-rated (but probably R)
First we spent some time singing that one Jane’s Addiction song, then we looked this movie up and found out it was a new one from Darren Aranofsky (Mother!) starring Vincent D’Onofrio, Austin Butler and D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai (from Reservation Dogs, no less!). OK, so the cast is cool, but what’s it about? A washed-up baseballer who finds himself trapped in the seedy underbelly of 1990s New York City. Sold! We will see this movie. We will see it right as August makes way to the sad fall of September.
