It just so happens that Adam Sandler once made good movies. Morethan once, even. There’s Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. And onthe odd occasion he acts in a drama, there are good performances in the so-so Punch-DrunkLove, the flawed Reign Over Me and the highly flawed but watchable FunnyPeople.
But whatever. There isn’t room in this review to lament Sandler’scareer choices, and his choices are so spectacularly lazy they don’t deservelamenting.
That brings us to Blended, which is not the worst movie inthe Sandler catalogue. The worst movie in the Sandler catalogue that I’ve seen—That’sMy Boy—is so loathsome that if there were any justice, the people who madeit would be kicked in the groin repeatedly for no fewer than seven days,annually, to herald the vernal equinox.
No, Blended is not as bad as That’s My Boy. In fact,nothing could be so bad. (Note: I have seen neither Jack and Jill nor INow Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.)
Blended, you see, has the one thing in a Sandler comedy that can elevateit: Drew Barrymore. It’s not that Barrymore hasn’t made execrable movies (He’sJust Not That Into You; Fever Pitch; Lucky You), it’s justthat when she’s with Sandler, she elevates his game. Slightly. Her limitedcharm raises his populist smarm and the results are mediocre.
They did it with The Wedding Singer (meh, but harmless). Theydid it with 50 First Dates (OK despite its best efforts to be meh). Theytry it with Blended.
If only Blended did not open in a bathroom. Lauren(Barrymore) is on the phone with her babysitter, asking her to fake anemergency call in 10 minutes because her blind date with Jim (Sandler) isterrible. Oh, and the bathroom is in a Hooters. Because why the fuck not?
Lauren is divorced (cheating-assbag-husband cliché). Jim is widowed(sympathy-card cliché). She has two rotten sons. He has three nice daughters.Lauren’s best friend and business partner Jen (Wendi McLendon-Covey; just giveher a starring vehicle already) is dating a guy with five kids who wants totake her to South Africa, and before long there’s some contrived nonsense thatgets Jim, Lauren, their five kids and a whole lotta borderline racist jokes toSun City. (As current as most of the gags are in Blended, I’m surprisedLittle Steven Van Zandt doesn’t pop up to chastise the entire cast; Google it.)
Anyway, Barrymore and Sandler have as much chemistry as a two oldfriends climbing aboard the money train, and there are maybe two laughs in 117minutes (!). There’s also that maddening undercurrent of sweetness that existsin Sandler’s films to temper the bullying, race-baiting and sexism. Even jerkshave hearts, right? And Sandler’s daughters are written to be nice enough whileBarrymore’s sons are written as turds. You know, ‘cause boys will be boys orsome dumb bullshit.
Will Sandler and Barrymore end up together? More importantly, why isBlended spared a barf? Again: It’s a million times better than That’sMy Boy.
BLENDED
Directedby Frank Coraci
WithSandler, Barrymore and Terry Crews
RegalStadium 14
PG-13
117min.
