The start of a new year is always a great way to wipe the slate clean and look at things with a fresh pair of eyes. 2025 just so happens to be a year of big transformation. You might have felt those vibes a couple weeks ago on the Lunar New Year—the first new moon on the calendar celebrated by many cultures all over the world—also called Chinese New Year. In the Chinese zodiac, 2025 is the year of the Snake, or more specifically the wood snake. In the spirit of Love & Sex and transformation, here are some things that I think are best left in our 2024 bedrooms and some to welcome into 2025.
OUT: The bar being so low it’s in hell. No more breadcrumbs this year, no more low vibes, no more compromising expectations—especially if we are having sex with someone.
IN: Getting our hearts and brains wet first. No matter the end result, you’ve honored yourself first.
OUT: Telling anyone what to do with their bush. Yes, I’ve been seeing it’s the “year of the bush” all over my Instagram as well and I get the sentiment but honestly, can we move away from telling people to do with their bodies already?
IN: A bush, some bush, no bush—who gives a shit. Do what you want with your own pubes, ya know?
OUT: Sexting. More specifically getting stuck in the sexting-only cycle with someone. My advice: don’t send the nude unless they’ve seen it in real life. Or if they are paying for it.
IN: Foreplay via text. This is a great way to keep the fire burning when you can’t physically be with someone.
OUT: 69. Just take turns already. It’s not as fun as it sounds and the risk of doing it wrong is too great. Balls are lovely. Balls slapping you on the face? A little less lovely.
IN: Lots and lots of oral sex. This is some of the best sex you can give and receive—have fun, lean in and expand your ability for pleasure.
OUT: Disconnected porn sex. 2025 is the year of the wood snake, not the jackrabbit, my friends.
IN: Heavy on making out and eye contact. This helps maximize sexual energy—not your relationship status. Use your words to define where and what you are, not your lack of intimacy.
Shelby Criswell
OUT: “Daddy.” Trust me.
IN: “Babygirl.” Trust. Me.
OUT: Fucking men who don’t ask about birth control. There’s nothing sexy about a silent assumption.
IN: Fucking men who take responsibility for birth control. Now that’s hot.
OUT: STD stigmas. Remember early COVID when people tested positive, and some had symptoms and others were asymptomatic? This really is no different. Everyone’s body and immune system is different and it’s not an indication of anything more than that.
IN: STD testing. It’s important for informed consent. Just like when you have anything contagious, you let someone know so they can make a choice about their own body.
OUT: Fingering with two fingers.
IN: Fingering with two fingers, a forearm and a hip rock. If you know, you know.
OUT: Drunk sex. It’s ok at best.
IN: Sober morning sex when you’re still in that yummy, sleepy energy.
OUT: Public hot tub or hot spring sex. Santa Feans, you know exactly what I’m talking about—too many of us have stumbled upon this on a self-care day. Please stop.
IN: Shower sex. In your house, in a hotel, in an Airbnb, even an outdoor shower—even a public one. It’s not the public part that’s grossing us all out, it’s the sharing the same water part.
OUT: Pushing someone’s head to try and get someone to go down on you. This has NEVER been in, but bears repeating.
IN: Telling someone you think it would be so hot to watch them go down on you.
OUT: Ass-play that takes anyone by surprise.
IN: Ass-play with the right amount of warning.
OUT: Free porn. I get it, it’s tempting, and we all hop on from time to time but there’s an ethical stake worth considering.
IN: Paying creators directly for porn. I guarantee your favorite porn star has an Onlyfans—go find them there.
OUT: Skipping over places like nipples and ears. You are seriously missing out if you aren’t giving these places extra love and attention.
IN: Focusing on the areas above the waist that have hundreds, sometimes thousands, of nerve endings. This is a sure-fire way to elevate sexual experiences.
These are just a few things worth considering. Have a pattern you’d like to break when it comes to getting busy? This is a great time to reflect on what no longer serves you. Time to shed that skin when you show that skin, my beautiful friends.
Layla Asher is a local sex-positive advocate on a mission to spread radical self-love to her community and the world.
